Chapter 15
how to mix the mother tongue from the siren university of illinois at urbana monthly magazine read by bologna times we aim to please our readers for this purpose we have secured a warm babe a former east sider to interpret and illustrate a few of the latest fashions in slang these will appear each month i should worry a very new and novel effect in saying one thing and meaning the other this phrase should be delivered in a guttural yet jovial tone and accompanied by an absolutely carefree and if possible inane expression of countenance it means literally sweet essence of joy the world's sky blue nix on that stuff from nix small incisions and stuffing the christmas intestines of a turkey a late and pleasing perversion it should be said in a nasal tone and emitted from the corner of the mouth an effective accompaniment is a curt flip of one's hand on a level with the hip
practice this before the mirror translation cheese it kid i'm curdling string me dear i'm beans from string get me going and beans off my lid use this as a proposal speech its best setting is a dark and lonely porch furnished with one small settee said in a low voice ringing with tenderness and pathos this sentence is tremendously effective practice in the basement or better still try it on your sister editor's note we hope our readers will take advantage of this column each month to improve their grasp of the english idiom how to mix the mother tongue more meaningless expressions of importance i give a damn although not very naughty still not very nice said with a shrug of the shoulders and a snap of the fingers this sentence is a delightfully asinine substitute for its opposite blase diffidence is regarded by some as the best policy kindly arouse the anti cow from to cow to subdue and auntie a donor of unforgettable scarves a delicate and charming method of saying shoot the oleo
accompany the speech with a sugary and confiding smile to assure your hostess that you simply adore the white extract of suet practice first on a spoonful of lard mingle kid i'm tired of life or the midnight ride of paul revere an absolutely irresistible invitation when used by a member of the feminine sex this phrase originated in the soft depths of a taxicab but although the setting cannot be bettered a darkened room is a worthy substitute the speaker should open her arms appealingly but a pathetic droop in her voice and a sobbing catch in her throat opportunity offers observe the cooing of the cooing of the rain-dove and rain all's fair in war practice on your brother-in-law the exact meaning of the command is whoopskirts how i love those eyes editor's note this is the second installment of a gumdrop's compendium of english idioms watch and improve
how to mix the mother tongue a symposium of scintillating sentences play with me hun i'm kitnish from the persian cat and the grecian play to be used only by a member of the weaker sex the weaker the weaker the weaker the perpetrator should smile coyly and take two light and airy dance steps the heavier she is the more entertaining the phrase practice in low-heeled shoes try first on a barber's pole if it responds the student may safely venture the phrase in public o love thou art a blushing rose derivation unknown this is a most effective sentence when purred by a gentleman to the accompaniment of a lustrous moon and the soft breezing of a love-lorn lass wait for a silence and break it with the above while gazing rapidly at the moon this is extremely potent practice this on a punching bag we do not guarantee immunity from personal injury punch me i'm a member of the bovine union
from punch something humorous that the conductor does and union a species of garment this is an invitation to physical combat the occasion for its use may be safely left to the discretion of the student if he be large he can use it frequently if small he should use it only on members of the feminine sex and then after deliberation try this on your roommate he's kind and may not hurt you the exact translation is have some hair i've got lots editor's note there are tricks in every trade learn to use your tongue by studying b happy's symposium watch and improve how to mix the mother tongue a few christmas compounds by c a pawnbroker sweet ringing chimes where is my purse from ringer an instrument for ringing most anything from anything and parrach an epithet sometimes applied to human beings this expression may be used most any time after december twenty four
its use is not limited by sex age politics social position matrimonial condition nor the high cost of living it is an utterance of deep despair and black despondency don't spoil a tragic moment by smiling meaning christmas lasts for half a year except these presents o imaging of loveliness from presents a legitimate something for next to nothing and image something that looks like you but isn't the latest manner of expressing one's highest regards at this beautiful christmas season this bit of sentiment is never regarded as mawkish and is very pleasing when delivered with proper accompaniment if you lisp hang a sprig of holly on your lower lip the translation of this speech is approximately stick kid i'm syrupy oh john it's the nicest of all derivation unknown john in this sentence is interchangeable with bill jim reginald or any other good spender
used to best advantage by a member of the feminine sex the pupil should clasp her hands over her breast and jump up and down in childish glee if a cripple or a perfect sixty seven the jumping may be omitted gratitude is the soul of christmas great care should be taken not to insert the wrong name these columns are not foolproof practice this expression on a chewing gum machine if you make it give twice you are an accomplished pupil editor's notice merry christmas readers we hope these swatnees will bring joy to many hearts watch and improve end of how to mix the mother tongue by anonymous
