menu_book Chapter 1

CHAPTER I. The Lone Woman. Felicia Graves was puzzled. The six weeks she had spent at the Pension Bocarde had confused many of her conceptions and brought things before her judgment for which her standards were inadequate. Not that a girl who had passed the few years of her young womanhood in the bubbling life of her garrison town could be as unsophisticated as village innocence in

the play, but her fresh, virginal experience had been limited to what was seemingly orthodox and comfortable. She was shrewd enough in the appreciation of superficial vanities, rightly esteeming their value as permanent elements, but the baser follies of human nature had not been reached by her young eyes. Her whole philosophy of life had been bound up in well-ordered family systems in which the men were honest and well-bred, and the

women either comfortable matrons or fresh-minded, companionable girls like herself. She knew vaguely that sorrows and bitterness and broken lives existed in the world, but hitherto she never reckoned upon coming into contact with them. They all lay in the dim sphere where crime and immorality held sway, whose internal upheavals affected her as little as dynastic commotions in China. The lives and habits and opinions, therefore, of the six lonely

women who, with one old gentleman, formed her sole daily companions in the Pension Bocarde, were a subject of much puzzled and half-frightened speculation on the part of the young English girl. She was forced to speculate, not only because she was brought into intimate touch with the unfamiliar, but also because there was little else to do. The Pension Bocarde was neither gay nor stimulating in winter. Its life was dependent, first, upon the ever-changing

current of guests, and secondly upon such public distractions as Geneva offers. In the summer it was bright enough. The house was full from top to bottom with eager, laughing holiday-makers, bringing with them the vitality and freshness of the outside world. There were dances, flirtations, picnics. New ideas, scraps of gossip and song from London, Paris, St Petersburg filled dining-room and salons. The pleasant friction of nationalities alone

was stimulating. The town, too, was gay. The streets were bright with the cosmopolitan cloud of pleasure-seekers. The cafés alive with customers. The shop windows gay with jewellery and quaint curios to dazzle the eyes of the reckless tourist. At the Cursale were weekly balls, entertainments, pétits chevaux. Bands played in the public gardens, and all the cafés offered evening concerts, gratis to their customers. There were pleasant trips

to be made on the lake to Nyon, Lausanne, Montreux, Chillon. No one need be dulled in summertime at Geneva. But in the winter, when all the public festivities were over, and week after week passed without a stranger bringing a fresh personality to the dinner table, the Porte-sur-Bacard was an abode of drear depression. If it had been chipped off from the earth's surface by the tail of a careless comet and sent whirling through space

on an ecliptic of its own, it could not have been less in relation with external influences. It was thrown entirely on its own resources, which only too often gave way, as it were, There was nothing to do save reading and needlework and gossip. It was while pursuing the last application that Felicia gathered her chief materials for speculation. These women, what were they? Their names were Mrs. Stapleton, Miss Bunter, Frau Schulz, Fraulein Klinkhart,

and Madame Papea, American, English, German, Romanian respectively. Yet in spite of wide divergences in creed, nationality, and character, they all seemed strangely to belong to one class. They were apparently isolated, self-centred, without ties or aims or hopes. Each had travelled through Europe from portion to portion, a weary pilgrimage. Their lives were for the most part spent in listless idleness, only saved none then from inanition by the nerving

influences of petty bickerings, violent intempesses, sordid jealousies. All had moods of kindness alternating with moods of cynical disregard of susceptibilities. Now and then a wave of hysteria would pass through the atmosphere of depression, when feminine velvet would be rudely thrust back and spiteful claws exposed to view. Even Mrs. Stapleton would occasionally break through her habitual restraint and be goaded into mordant expression. It was the

isolation of these women, their vague references to the sheltering home of years ago, their cynical exposition and criticism of undreamed-of facts, that made Felicia look upon her surroundings with a child's alarm at the unfamiliar. Sometimes she felt homesick and miserable, wished that her uncle and aunt, with whom her home had been for many years since the death of her parents, had taken her out with them to Bermuda. But they, worthy souls, when Colonel Graves

was ordered abroad with the regiment, had thought that a year's continental life would be a treat for the girl, and had sent her in consequence to the care of Madame Bocquard, a distant kinswoman whose prospectus read like a synopsis of Eden. They had so set their hearts upon her enjoyment that, now they were thousands of miles away, she felt it would be ungracious to complain. But she was very unhappy.

"'Mondeur, this is getting terrible,' said Madame Poppaea one evening. Dinner was over, and some of the ladies were passing the usual dreary evening in the salon. "'It is enough to drive you mad. It would be livelier in a convent. One would have matins and vespers and complin, a heap of little duties. One could go to one's bed tired and sleep. Here one sleeps all day, so that when night comes one can't shut an eye.'

"'Why don't you go to the convent, Madame Poppaea?' asked Mrs. Tableton, mildly, looking up from her needlework. "'Ah, one cannot always choose,' replied Madame Poppaea, with a sigh. "'Besides,' she added, "'one would have to be so good.' "'Yes, there is some truth in that,' said Mrs. Tableton.

"'It is better to be a serene sinner than a depressed saint. And sometimes we sinners have our hours of serenity.' "'Not after such a dinner as we had tonight,' remarked Frau Schulz in German with strident irritability. "'The food is getting dreadful, and the wine it is not good for the health. My stomach.'

"'You should drink water, as Miss Graves and I do,' said Mrs. Tableton. "'Ah, you American and English women can drink water. We are not accustomed to it. In my home I never drink wine that costs less than four marks a bottle. I am not used to this. I should complain to Madame Boccar.' "'It is bad,' said Madame Poppaea, but it isn't as bad as it might be.

"'At the Porsche Schmidt we couldn't drink it without sugar.' She was a plump little woman with a pubed disposition to cheerfulness. "'Besides,' as she owed Madame Boccar some two months' boredom lodging, she could afford a little magnanimity. But Frau Schulz, who was conscious of scrupulous payment up to date, had no such delicacy of feeling. She pursued the subject

from her own standpoint, that of her own physiological peculiarities. By the time her terroir was ended she worked herself up to a fit state to give battle to Madame Boccar, on which heron she incontinently proceeded. "'What a dreadful woman,' said Mrs. Tableton, as the door slammed behind her. "'Ah, yes, those Germans,' said Madame Poppaea,

"'they are always so unrefined. They think of nothing but eating and drinking. Her Schleiermacher came in to see me this afternoon. He has been to Hanover to see his fiancé, whom he can't marry. He was telling me about it.' "'Ah,' he said, the last evening he was so grievous. She did hang round my neck for three hours so that I could not go out to drink beer with my friends.

Animal! All men are bad. But I think German men—' "'Oh!' she gave her shoulders an expressive shrug, and resumed her reading of an old copy of Le Journal Amousin, which she had brought down from her room. "'Where are the others?' asked Felicia, dropping her book wearily onto her lap. It was a much-thumbed French translation of The Chaplet of Pearls, which Madame Boccar had

procured from her from the circulating library in the Rue de Rhone. Felicia found its language reading. "'Miss Bunter is tending her canary, which is molting, or else she is writing to her fiancé in Burma,' replied Mrs Tableton. "'Is she engaged?' Miss Bunter was some seven and thirty, thin and faded. The last person in the world, according to Felicia's ideas, to have a lover.' Both ladies laughed at her astonishment.

"'Yes, hasn't she told you?' cried Madame Poppaea. "'She tells everyone, in confidence. They have been engaged for fifteen years, and they write each other letters. Such fat packages, thick as that, every mail. Ach, mon Dieu! If a man treated me in that way, kept me waiting, waiting.' She threw up her plump little hands with a half-threatening gesture.

"'What would you have done?' asked Mrs Tableton. "'I should have consoled myself en attendant.' "'Oh, yes, I should have gone on writing. But I would not have let myself become a poor old maid for any man in the world. That is one thing I admire about Fraulein Clinkhart. You were asking where she was to-night.'

"'I know, but I won't be indiscreet. She is fiancé too. She's not getting less young. Mais elle s'amuse, elle en attendant.' Felicia did not grasp the full significance of Madame Poppaea's insinuations, but she caught an aft to set her cheeks burning, and she cast an appealing glance at Mrs Tableton. "'Won't you play us something?' said the latter kindly in response to the appeal.

"'Ah, do,' said Madame Poppaea serenely. You play so charmingly.' Felicia went to the piano and ran her fingers over the keys. She did not feel in a mood for playing. Music with her was an accomplishment, not an art to which she could instinctively bring bruised and quivering fibres to be soothed. She played mechanically, thinking of other things. Once she struck a false note, and her ear caught a little in-drawn hiss from Madame Poppaea,

which brought her wandering attention sharply back. But her heart was not in it. She was thinking of poor little Miss Bunter, and the weary years of waiting, and how sad she must have been as, year by year, she'd seen the youth dying out of her eyes, and the bloom fading from her cheek. Freyline Clinkhart, too, who was amusing herself, en attendant. She felt as if something impure had touched her. At the next false note, Madame Poppaea rose softly and went

to Mrs Tableton. "'I'm going to bed,' she whispered. These English girls are charming, but they should have dumb pianos made for them that would speak only to their own souls.' When Felicia heard the click of the closing door, she started round on the music-stool. "'I hope I haven't driven Madame Poppaea away with my strumming,' she said, guiltily. "'Oh, no, dear,' replied Mrs Tableton with cheerful assurance.

She is a lazy little body that always goes to bed early.' Felicia rose, took up Le Journal Amozon, which Madame Poppaea had left behind, and, sitting down, began to look through. A few seconds later, however, she crumpled it fiercely and threw it on the ground with a cry of disgust. "'How can ladies read such things?' she exclaimed. She had never seen such a picture before, never conceived that the light could even have been

visualized by the imagination. Its cynical immodesty, its obscene suggestion, gave her a sickening sensation of loathing. Mrs Tableton picked up the offending journal and skimmed over its pages with calm eyes and a contemptuous curl of the lip. "'Oh, how can you?' cried Felicia, writhing. The other smiled, and, opening the door of the great porcelain stove, thrust the paper in amongst the glowing curls and closed the door again. Then she came quickly up

to the couch where Felicia was, and, sitting down by her side, took her hand. "'My poor child,' she said, "'I hope you are not too unhappy here.' The older woman's voice was so soft, her manner was so gentle and feminine, that the girl's heart that had been longing for six weeks with a greater hunger day after day for womanly sympathy, leapt towards her, and her eyes filled with tears. "'It is so strange here,' she said pitiously, "'and I feel so lost without my friends and

occupation and—' "'Well,' tell me, perhaps I may be able to help you.' The girl turned away her head. "'Other things. Sometimes I feel frightened. Tonight, that newspaper, what Madame Papaya was saying, it seemed to scorch me.' Mrs Tableton registered a mental resolution to talk pointedly to Madame Papaya on the morrow. If English girls should have dumb pianos, it was any fair that Romanian widows should have invisible, indecent pictures. She smoothed the back of Felicia's hot

hands. Her own were cool and soft, and their touch was very grateful to Felicia. "'My poor child,' she said, "'my poor child.' She herself had suffered. She knew from sad tasting the bitterness of many fruits that grow in the garden of life. Like many women, she judged the flavour of another's future experiences by the aftertaste of her own past. There were many, many dead sea apples that a woman had to eat before the grave closed over her. The sight of the young soul shrinking at the foretaste

filled her with a sense of infinite pathos. "'I wonder if you would let me call you by your name sometimes when we are alone,' she said gently. The girl flashed a grateful glance. "'Would you really? It's Felicia. And mine is Catherine. I wonder how it would sound.' "'Catherine?' echoed Felicia with a puzzled smile. "'What do you mean?' "'I have not heard it for very many years. To everybody I have known I have been Mrs Tableton.

I should like to be called by my own name once again. Would you do so?' "'Oh yes, gladly. But how sad! How very, very lonely you must be! I think I should pine away with loneliness. There must be quite a hundred people who call me Felicia.' "'Then you must give us poor forlorn creatures some of your happiness,' said Catherine with a smile. You must make alliances for us. Do not judge us too harshly.'

"'Oh, you must not compare yourself with the others,' said Felicia. You are quite different from Madame Poppaea, for instance.' "'Ah, no, not very much,' said Catherine with a touch of bitterness. We only differ a little through the circumstances of our upbringing, nationality, and so on. We are all the same at heart, weary of ourselves, of life, of each other. Most women have their

homes, their children, their pleasant circle of friends. None of us has. We are failures. Either we have sought to get too much from life, and heaven has punished us for presumption, or circumstance has been against us. We have been too poor to conquer it. Ah, no, my dear child, don't think that we are merely a set of selfish, coarse, ill-tempered women. Each of us knows in our own heart that she is a failure, and she knows that all the others know it.'

A flush of colour had come into her delicate cheek as she said this, and her lips closed rather tightly, showing fine, almost imperceptible vertical lines. Yet her eyes looked kindly at Felicia, and smoothed any rough impression her words may have made. The other's eyes met hers rather wonderingly. The tragedy that underlay this commonplace pension life was a new conception.

"'I'll try to think more kindly of them,' she said. "'And what about poor me?' "'Ah, you! I've never thought unkindly about you. In fact, I've wanted to know you. But you've always been so distant and reserved, until this evening. You am Mr. Chetwind.' "'He is so clever and so old, and I am only a girl, that I am afraid of boring him.'

Catherine laughed at her naïve confusion. "'Why, Mr. Chetwind is the kindest and most courteous old man in the world. I'll tell you what we'll do. I will get your seat moved up to our end of the table, away from Madame Boccard, who has had you long enough, and then you can sit next to him. Would you like that?' Felicia assented gladly. Madame Boccard was a rather oppressive neighbour,

her conversation was as chaff before the wind, both in substance and utterance, and the few straws that Felicia, with her schoolgirl's knowledge of French, was able to seize, did not afford her much satisfaction. "'How can I thank you for being so kind to me?' she said a little later, before they parted for the night.

"'By calling me Catherine sometimes,' said the other. "'I'm not so very, very old, you know. And my dear child, it would comfort me.' Felicia went to sleep that night happier than she had done since her arrival in Geneva, but she pondered many things before her eyes closed. She was ready to pity Madame Poppea for being a failure, but Mrs. Taperton failed to explain to her the necessary connection between

an unhappy life and le journal amusant. If the latter was a necessary solace, it brought fresh terrors to the anticipation of sorrow. End of chapter 1