menu_book Chapter 13

information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Bleak House by Charles Dickens, Chapter 13, Esther's Narrative. We held many consultations about what Richard was to be, first without Mr. Jaundice, as he had requested, and afterwards with him, but it was a long time before we seemed to make progress. Richard said he was ready for anything. When Mr. Jorndis doubted whether he might not already be too old to enter the Navy, Richard said that he had thought

of that, and perhaps he was. When Mr. Jorndis asked him what he thought of the Army, Richard said he had thought of that too, and it wasn't a bad idea. When Mr. Jorndis advised him to try and decide within himself whether his old preference for the sea was an ordinary boyish inclination or a strong impulse, Richard answered, well, he really had tried very often, and he couldn't make out. How much of this indecision of character, Mr. Jarnedus said to me, is chargeable on that

incomprehensible heap of uncertainty and procrastination on which he has been thrown from his birth, I don't pretend to say, but that chancery, among its other sins, is responsible for some of it, I can plainly see. It has engendered or confirmed in him a habit of putting off and trusting to this, that, and the other chants, without knowing what chants, and dismissing everything as unsettled, uncertain, and confused. The character of much older and steadier people

may even be changed by the circumstances surrounding them. It would be too much to expect that a boy's, in its formation, should be the subject of such influences, and escape them. I felt this to be true, though, if I may venture to mention what I thought besides, I thought it much to be regretted that Richard's education had not counteracted those influences, or directed his character. He had been eight years in a public school, and had learnt, I understood,

to make Latin verses of several sorts, in the most admirable manner. But I never heard that it had been anybody's business to find out what his natural bent was, or where his failings lay, or to adapt any kind of knowledge to him. He had been adapted to the verses, had learnt the art of making them to such perfection that if he had remained at school until he was of age, I suppose he could only have gone on making them over and over again,

unless he had enlarged his education by forgetting how to do it. Still, although I had no doubt that they were very beautiful, and very improving, and very sufficient for a great many purposes of life, and always remembered all through life, I did doubt whether Richard would not have profited by someone studying him a little instead of his studying them quite so much. To be sure, I knew nothing of the subject, and do not even now know whether the young gentlemen of classic

Rome or Greece made verses to the same extent, or whether the young gentlemen of any country ever did. I haven't the least idea," said Richard, musing, what I had better be. Except that I am quite sure I don't want to go into the church. It's a toss-up."

"'You have no inclination in Mr. Kengy's way?' suggested Mr. Jaundice." "'I don't know that, sir,' replied Richard. "'I am fond of boating. Article clerks do a great deal on the water.

It's a capital profession.'" surgeon suggested mr jaundice that's the thing sir cried richard i doubt if he had ever once thought of it before that's the thing sir repeated richard with the greatest enthusiasm We have got it at last. M. R. C. S. He was not to be laughed out of it, though he laughed at it heartily. He said he had chosen his profession, and the more he thought of it, the more he felt that his destiny was clear. The art of healing was the art of all others for him.

Mistrusting that he only came to this conclusion because, having never had much chance of finding out for himself, what he was fitted for, and having never been guided to the discovery, he was taken by the newest idea, and was glad to get rid of the trouble of consideration. I wondered whether the Latin verses often ended in this, or whether Richard's was a solitary case. Mr. Jarnedice took great pains to talk with him seriously, and to put it to his good sense not

to deceive himself in so important a matter. Richard was a little grave after these interviews, but invariably told Ada and me that it was all right, and then began to talk about something else. By heaven! cried Mr. Boythorne, who interested himself strongly in the subject, though I need not say that, for he could do nothing weekly. I rejoiced to find a young gentleman

of spirit and gallantry devoting himself to that noble profession. The more spirit there is in it, the better for mankind, and the worse for those mercenary taskmasters and low tricksters who delight in putting that illustrious art at a disadvantage in the world. By all that is base and despicable, cried Mr. Boythorne, the treatment of surgeons aboard ship is such that i would submit the legs both legs of every member of the admiralty board to a compound fracture and render it a transportable offence in any qualified practitioner to set them if the system were not wholly changed in eight-and-forty hours

wouldn't you give them a week asked mr jaundice no cried mr boythorn firmly not on any consideration eight-and-forty hours as to corporations parishes vestry boards and similar gatherings of jolter-headed clods who assemble to exchange such speeches that by heaven they ought to be worked in quicksilver mines for the short remainder of their miserable existence if it were only to prevent their detestable english from contaminating a language spoken in the presence of the sun as to those fellows who meanly take advantage of the ardour of gentlemen in the pursuit of knowledge to recompense the inestimable services of the best years of their lives their long study and their expensive education with pittances too small for the acceptance of clerks i would have the necks of every one of them rung and their skills arranged in surgeon's hall for the contemplation of the whole profession in order that its younger members might understand from actual measurement in early life how thick skulls may become

he wound up this vehement declaration by looking round upon us with a most agreeable smile and suddenly thundering ha ha ha ha over and over again until anybody else might have been expected to be quite subdued by the exertion as richard still continued to say that he was fixed in his choice after repeated periods of consideration had been recommended by mr jarndice and had expired and he still continued to assure ada and me in the same final matter that it was all right it became advisable to take mr kenji into council mr kenji therefore came down to dinner one day and leaning back in his chair and turned his eye-glasses over and over and spoke in a sonorous voice and did exactly what i remembered to have seen him do when i was a little girl ah said mr kenji yes well a very good profession mr jaundice a very good profession the course of study and preparation requires to be diligently pursued observed my guardian with a glance at richard

oh no doubt said mr kenji diligently but that being the case more or less with all pursuits that are worth much said mr it is not a special consideration which another choice would likely escape truly said mr kengy and mr richard carstone who has so meritoriously acquitted himself in the shall i say the classic shades in which his youth has been passed will no doubt apply the habits if not the principles and practice of versification in that tongue in which a poet was said unless i mistake to be born not made to the more eminently practical field of action on which he enters you may rely upon it said richard in his off-hand manner that i shall go at it and do my best very well mr jarndice said mr kenji gently nodding his head really when we are assured by mr richard

that he means to go at it and to do his best nodding feelingly and smoothly over those expressions i would submit to you that we have only to inquire into the best mode of carrying out the object of his ambition now with reference to placing mr richard with some sufficiently eminent practitioner is there any one in view at present no one rick i think said my guardian no one sir said richard quite so observed mr kenji as to situation now is there any particular feeling on that head no said richard quite so observed mr kenji again i should like a little variety said richard i mean a good range of experience very requisite no doubt returned mr kenji i think that this may be easily arranged mr we have only in the first place to discover a sufficiently eligible practitioner and as soon as we make our want and shall i add our ability to pay a premium known our only difficulty will be in the selection of one from a large number we have only in the second place

to observe those little formalities which are rendered necessary by our time of life and our being under the guardianship of the court we shall soon be shall i say in mr richard's own light-hearted manner going at it to our hearts content it is a coincidence said mr kenji with a tinge of melancholy in his smile one of those coincidences which may or may not require an explanation beyond our present limited faculties that i have a cousin in the medical profession he might be deemed eligible by you and might be disposed to respond to this proposal i can answer for him as little as for you but he might as this was an opening in the prospect it was arranged that mr kengee should see his cousin and as mr jaundice had before proposed to take us to london for a few weeks it was settled next day that we should make our visit at once and combine richard's business with it mr boythorne leaving us within a week we took up our abode at a cheerful lodging near oxford street over an upholsterer's shop

london was a great wonder to us and we were out for hours and hours at a time seeing the sights which appeared to be less capable of exhaustion than we were we made the round of the principal theatres too with great delight and saw all the plays that were worth seeing i mention this because it was at the theatre that i began to be made uncomfortable again by mr guppy i was sitting in front of the box one night with ada and richard was in the place he liked best behind ada's chair when happening to look down into the pit i saw mr guppy with his hair flattened down upon his head and woe depicted in his face looking up at me i felt all through the performance that he never looked at the actors but constantly looked at me and always with a carefully prepared expression of the deepest misery and the profoundest dejection it quite spoiled my pleasure for that night because it was so very embarrassing and so very ridiculous but from that time forth we never went to the play without my seeing mr guppy in the pit

always with his hair straight and flat his shirt-collar turned down and a general feebleness about him if he were not there when we went in and i began to hope he would not come and yielded myself for a little while to the interest of the scene i was certain to encounter his languishing eyes when i least expected it and from that time to be quite sure that they were fixed upon me all the evening i really cannot express how uneasy this made me if he would only have brushed up his hair or turned up his collar it would have been bad enough but to know that that absurd figure was always gazing at me and always in that demonstrative state of despondency put such a constraint upon me that i did not like to laugh at the play or to cry at it or to move or to speak i seemed able to do nothing naturally As to escaping Mr. Guppy by going to the back of the box, I could not bear to do that, because I knew Richard and Ada relied on having me next them, and that they could never have talked so happily if anybody else had been in my place.

So there I sat, not knowing where to look, for wherever I looked I knew Mr. Guppy's eyes were following me, and thinking of the dreadful expense to which this young man was putting himself on my account. Sometimes I thought of telling Mr. Jaundice. Then I feared that the young man would lose his situation, and that I might ruin him. Sometimes I thought of confiding in Richard, but was deterred by the possibility of his fighting Mr. Guppy

and giving him black eyes. Sometimes I thought I should frown at him, or shake my head. Then I felt I could not do it. Sometimes I considered whether I should write to his mother, but that ended in my being convinced that to open a correspondence would be to make the matter worse. I always came to the conclusion, finally, that I could do nothing. Mr. Guppy's perseverance all this time not only produced him regularly at any theatre to which we went, but caused him to

appear in the crowd as we were coming out, and even to get up behind our fly, where I am sure I saw him two or three times, struggling among the most dreadful spikes. After we got home, he haunted a post opposite our house. The upholsterers where we lodged, being at the corner of two streets, and my bedroom window being opposite the post, I was afraid to go near the window when I went upstairs, lest I should see him, as I did one moonlight night, leaning against

the post, and evidently catching cold. If Mr. Guppy had not been, fortunately for me, engaged in the daytime, I really should have had no rest from him. While we were making this round of gaieties in which Mr. Guppy so extraordinarily participated, the business which had helped to bring us to town was not neglected. Mr. Kenji's cousin was a Mr. Bayham Badger, who had a good practice at Chelsea, and attended a large public institution

besides. He was quite willing to receive Richard into his house, and to superintend his studies, and, as it seemed, that those could be pursued advantageously under Mr. Badger's roof. And Mr. Badger liked Richard, and as Richard said he liked Mr. Badger well enough, an agreement was made. The Lord Chancellor's consent was obtained, and it was all settled. On the day when matters were concluded between Richard and Mr. Badger, we were all under engagement

to dine at Mr. Badger's house. We were to be merely a family party, Mrs. Badger's note said, and we found no lady there but Mrs. Badger herself. She was surrounded in the drawing room by various objects, indicative of her painting a little, playing the piano a little, playing the guitar a little, playing the harp a little, singing a little, working a little, reading a little, writing poetry a little, and botanizing a little. She was a lady of

about fifty, I should think, youthfully dressed, and of a very fine complexion. If, I add, to the little list of her accomplishments, that she rouged a little, I do not mean that there was any harm in it. Mr. Bayham Badger himself was a pink, fresh-faced, crisp-looking gentleman, with a weak voice, white teeth, light hair, and surprised eyes, some years younger, I should say, than Mrs. Bayham Badger. He admired her exceedingly, but principally, and to begin with, on the curious ground,

as it seemed to us, of her having had three husbands. We had barely taken our seats when he said to Mr. Jaundice, quite triumphantly, You would hardly suppose that I am Mrs. Bayham Badger's third. Indeed, said Mr. Jarndice. Her third, said Mr. Badger. Mrs. Bayham Badger has not the appearance, Miss Summerson, of a lady who has had two former husbands. I said, not at all. And most remarkable men, said Mr. Badger, in a tone of confidence. Captain Swasser of the Royal

Navy, who was Mrs. Badger's first husband, was a very distinguished officer indeed. The name of Professor Dingo, my immediate predecessor, is one of European reputation." Mrs. Badger overheard him and smiled. "'Yes, my dear,' Mr. Badger replied to the smile. i was observing to mr jarndice and miss summerson that you had had two former husbands both very distinguished men and they found it as people generally do difficult to believe

i was barely twenty said mrs badger when i married captain swosser of the royal navy i was in the mediterranean with him i am quite a sailor on the twelfth anniversary of my wedding day i became the wife of professor dingo of european reputation added mr badger in an undertone and when mr badger and myself were married pursued mrs badger we were married on the same day of the year i had become attached to the day so that mrs badger has been married to three husbands two of them highly distinguished men said mr badger summing up the facts and each time upon the twenty first of march at eleven in the forenoon we all expressed our admiration but for mr badger's modesty said mr jaundice i would take leave to correct him and say three distinguished men thank you mr jaundice what i always tell him observed mrs badger and my dear said mr badger what do i always tell you that without any affectation of disparaging such professional distinction as i may have attained which our friend mr carstone will have many opportunities of estimating

i am not so weak no really said mr badger to us generally so unreasonable as to put my reputation on the same footing with such first-rate men as captain swasser and professor dingo perhaps you may be interested mr jarndice continued mr bayham badger leading the way into the next drawing-room in this portrait of captain it was taken on his return home from the african station where he had suffered from the fever of the country mrs badger considers it too yellow but it's a very fine head a very fine head we all echoed a very fine head i feel when i look at it said mr badger that's a man i should like to have seen it strikingly bespeaks the first-class man that captain swasser pre-eminently was on the other side professor dingo i knew him well attended him in his last illness a speaking likeness over the piano

mrs bayham badger when mrs swasser over the sofa mrs bayham badger when mrs dingo of mrs bayham badger in essay i possess the original and have no copy dinner was now announced and we went downstairs it was a very genteel entertainment very handsomely served but the captain and the professor still ran in mr badger's head and as ada and i had the honour of being under his particular care we had the full benefit of them water miss summerson allow me not in that tumbler pray bring me the professor's goblet james ada very much admired some artificial flowers under a glass astonishing how they keep said mr badger they were presented to mrs bayham badger when she was in the mediterranean he invited mr jarndice to take a glass of claret not that claret he said excuse me this is an occasion and on an occasion i produce some very special claret i happen to have

james captain swasser's wine mr jarndice this is a wine that was imported by the captain we will not say how many years ago you will find it very curious my dear my dear i shall be happy to take some of this wine with you captain swasser's claret to your mistress james my love your health after dinner when we ladies retired we took mrs badger's first and second husband with us mrs badger gave us in the drawing-room a biographical sketch of the life and services of captain swassler before his marriage and a more minute account of him dating from the time when he fell in love with her at a ball on board the crippler given to the officers of that ship when she lay in plymouth harbour the dear old crippler said mrs badger shaking her head she was a noble vessel trim ship-shape all a tonto as captain swasser used to say you must excuse me if i occasionally introduce a nautical expression i was quite a sailor once captain swosser loved that craft for my sake

when she was no longer in commission he frequently said that if he were rich enough to buy her old hulk he would have an inscription let into the timbers of the quarter-deck where we stood as partners in the dance to mark the spot where he fell raked fore and aft captain swasser used to say by the fire from my tops it was his naval way of mentioning my eyes mrs badger shook her head sighed and looked in the glass it was a great change from captain swasser to professor dingo she resumed with a plaintive smile i felt it a good deal at first such an entire revolution in my mode of life but custom combined with science particularly science inured me to it being the professor's sole companion in his botanical excursions i almost forgot that i had ever been afloat and became quite learned it is singular that the professor was the antipodes of captain swassar and that mr badger is not in the least like either

we then passed into a narrative of the deaths of captain swasser and professor dingo both of whom seemed to have had very bad complaints in the course of it mrs badger signified to us that she had never madly loved but once and that the object of that while affection never to be recalled in its fresh enthusiasm was captain swasser the professor was yet dying by inches in the most dismal manner and mrs badger was giving us imitations of his way of saying with great difficulty where is laura let laura give me my toast and water when the entrance of the gentleman consigned him to the tomb now i observed that evening as i had observed for some days past that ada and richard were more than ever attached to each other's society which was but natural seeing that they were going to be separated so soon

i was therefore not very much surprised when we got home and ada and i retired upstairs to find ada more silent than usual though i was not quite prepared for her coming into my arms and beginning to speak to me with her face hidden "'My darling Esther,' murmured Ada, "'I have a great secret to tell you.' "'A mighty secret, my pretty one, no doubt. What is it, Ada?' "'Oh, Esther, you would never guess. Shall I try to guess?' said I. "'Oh, no, don't, pray don't,' cried Ada, very much startled by the idea of my doing so.

"'Now I wonder who it can be about,' said I, pretending to consider. It is about, said Ada in a whisper, it's about my cousin Richard. Well, my own, said I, kissing her bright hair, which was all I could see. And what about him? Oh, Esther, you would never guess.

It was so pretty to have her clinging to me in that way, hiding her face, and to know that she was not crying in sorrow, but in a little glow of joy and pride and hope, that I would not help her just yet. He says, I know it's very foolish we are both so young, but he says, with a burst of tears, that he loves me dearly, Esther. Does he indeed? said I. I never heard of such a thing. Why, my pet of pets, I could have told you that weeks and weeks ago. To see Ada lift

up her flushed face in joyful surprise, and hold me round the neck, and laugh and cry, and blush and laugh, was so pleasant. Why, my darling, said I, what a goose you must take me for. Your cousin Richard has been loving you as plainly as he could, for I don't know how long.

And yet you never said a word about it, cried Ada, kissing me. No, my love, said I, I waited to be told. but now I have told you you don't think it wrong of me do you returned Ada

she might have coaxed me to say no if I had been the hardest hearted Duenna in the world not being that yet I said no very freely

and now said I I know the worst of it oh that's not quite the worst of it Esther dear cried Ada holding me tighter and laying down

her face again upon my breast no said i not even that no not even that said ada shaking her head why you never mean to say i was beginning in joke but ada looking up and smiling through her tears cried yes i do you know you know i do and then sobbed out with all my heart i do with all my whole heart esther i told her laughing why i had known that too just as well as i had known the other and we sat before the fire and i had all the talking to myself for a little while though there was not much of it and ada was soon quiet and happy do you think my cousin john knows dear dame durden she asked unless my cousin john is blind my pet said i i should think my cousin john knows pretty well as much as we know we want to speak to him before richard goes said ada timidly and we wanted you to advise us and to tell him so perhaps you wouldn't mind richard's coming in dame durden

oh richard is outside is he my dear said i i am not quite certain returned ada with a bashful simplicity that would have won my heart if she had not won it long before but i think he's waiting at the door there he was of course they had brought a chair on either side of me and put me between them and really seemed to have fallen in love with me instead of one another they were so confiding and so trustful and so fond of me they went on in their own wild way for a little while i never stopped them i enjoyed it too much myself and then we gradually fell to considering how young they were and how there must be a lapse of several years before this early love could come to anything and how it could come to happiness only if it were real and lasting and inspired them with a steady resolution to do their duty to each other with constancy fortitude and perseverance each always for the other's sake well richard said that he would work his fingers to the bone for ada and ada said that she would work her fingers to the bone for richard

and they called me all sorts of endearing and sensible names and we sat there advising and talking half the night finally before we parted i gave them my promise to speak to their cousin john to-morrow so when to-morrow came i went to my guardian after breakfast in the room that was our town substitute for the growlery and told him that i had it in trust to tell him something well little woman said he shutting up his book if you have accepted the trust there can be no harm in it i hope not guardian said i i can guarantee that there is no secrecy in it for it happened only yesterday i and what is it esther guardian said i you remember the happy night when first we came down to bleak house when ada was singing in the dark room i wished to call to his remembrance the look he had given me then unless i am much mistaken i saw that i did so because said i with a little hesitation yes my dear said he don't hurry

because said i ada and richard have fallen in love and have told each other so already cried my guardian quite astonished yes said i and to tell you the truth guardian i rather expected it the deuce you did said he He sat considering for a minute or two, with his smile, at once so handsome and so kind, upon his changing face, and then requested me to let them know that he wished to see them. When they came, he encircled Ada with one arm in his fatherly way, and addressed himself to Richard with a cheerful gravity. rick said mr jaundice i am glad to have won your confidence i hope to preserve it when i contemplated these relations between us four which have so brightened my life and so invested it with new

interest and pleasures i certainly did contemplate afar off the possibility of you and your pretty cousin here don't be shy ada don't be shy my dear being in a mind to go through life together I saw and do see many reasons to make it desirable. But that was far off, Rick, far off. We look a far off, sir, returned Richard.

Well, said Mr. John Dice, that's rational. Now hear me, my dears. I might tell you that you don't know your own minds yet, that a thousand things may happen to divert you from one another, that it is well this chain of flowers you have taken up is very easily broken, or it might become

a chain of lead. But I will not do that. Such wisdom will come soon enough, I dare say, if it is to come at all. I will assume that, a few years hence, you will be in your hearts to one another what you are today all i say before speaking to you accordingly according to that assumption is if you do change if you do come to find you are more commonplace cousins to each other as man and woman than you were as boy and girl your manhood would it will excuse me rick don't

be ashamed still to confide in me for there will be nothing monstrous or uncommon in it i am only your friend and distant kinsman. I have no power over you whatever, but I wish and hope to retain your confidence if I do nothing to forfeit it. I am very sure, sir, returned Richard, that I speak for Ada too, when I say that you have the strongest power over us both, rooted in respect, gratitude, and affection, strengthening every day. Dear Cousin John, said Ada on his shoulder,

my father's place can never be empty again all the love and duty i could ever have rendered to him is transferred to you come said mr jaundice now for our assumption now we lift our eyes up and look hopefully at the distance rick the world is before you and it is most probable that as you enter it so it will receive you trust in nothing but in providence and your own efforts never separate the two like the heathen wagoner constancy in love is a good thing but it means nothing and is nothing without constancy in every kind of effort if you had the abilities of all the great men past and present you could do nothing well without sincerely meaning it and setting about it if you entertain the supposition that any real success in great things or in small ever was or could be or ever will or can be wrested from fortune by fits and starts leave that wrong idea here or leave your cousin ada here i will leave it here sir replied richard smiling if it brought it here just now but i hope it-i did not and will work my way on to my cousin ada in the hopeful distance right said mr jaundice if you are not to make her happy why should you pursue her i wouldn't make her unhappy no not even for her love retorted richard proudly

well said cried mr jaundice that's well said she remains here in her home with me love her rick in your active life no less than in her home when you revisit it and all will go well otherwise all will go ill that's the end of my preaching i think you and ada had better take a walk ada tenderly embraced him and richard heartily shook hands with him and then the cousins went out of the room looking back again directly though to say that they would wait for me the door stood open and we both followed them with our eyes as they passed down the adjoining room on which the sun was shining and out at its farther end richard with his head bent and her hand drawn through his arm was talking to her very earnestly and she looked up in his face listening and seemed to see nothing else so young so beautiful so full of hope and promise they went on lightly through the sunlight as their own happy thoughts might then be traversing the years to come and making them all years of brightness so they passed away into the shadow and were gone

it was only a burst of light that had been so radiant the room darkened as they went out and the sun was clouded over am i right esther said my guardian when they were gone he who was so good and wise to ask me whether he was right rick may gain out of this the quality he wants wants at the core of so much that is good said mr jaundice shaking his head i have said nothing to ada esther she has her friend and counsellor always near and he laid his hand lovingly upon my head i could not help showing that i was a little moved though i did all i could to conceal it tut tut tut said he but we must take care too that our little woman's life is not all consumed in care for others care my dear guardian i believe i am the happiest creature in the world i believe so too said he but some one may find out what esther never will that the little woman is to be held in remembrance above all other people

i have omitted to mention in its place that there was some one else at the family dinner-party it was not a lady it was a gentleman it was a gentleman of a dark complexion a young surgeon he was rather reserved but i thought him very sensible and agreeable at least ada asked me if i did not and i said yes chapter