Chapter 23
Section 23 of Captain Billy's Whiz-Bang, Volume 2, Number 19, April 1921. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Captain Billy's Whiz-Bang, Volume 2, Number 19, April 1921, by W. H. Fawcett. Our Rural Mailbox Dear Bill,
You may be witty, but the guy who wrote Snowbound was wittier. Margie, you naughty girl. Jojo, you can call it Spanish onions or Spanish fly or any other old thing you want, old dear. Ted Mann, if your sweetheart likes music, even though your voice is poor, you can still sing to her with much feeling.
Lonesome Jack, you ought to be able to get the inspiration you want on the beach at Miami. or at Ocean Park and Redondo. Parliamentarian. The rules state that you put your hand up first and then ask the question.
Shakespeare-son. Don't get hot under the collar. You ask us what we did with your poem entitled An Ode to Oblivion. Our reply is it reached its destination. Revamping the Vamps.
Exit the Perfect 36. enter the perfect 34. Dame fashion is responsible. Dressmakers have filled the New York paper's want-at columns with calls for service of the 34 mannequins, and still further they specify that she must be within the precinct of the Mrs. 16. This is because grandmothers want to wear granddaughter's clothes. Specifications for the mannequins call for symmetry, slenderness,
small hips, slender biceps, trim ankles. Woman herself is responsible for the change, says Miss Marion Rothschild, associate editor of Women's Wear. For nearly three years, the feminine population has been struggling to get into smaller and smaller clothing. Naturally, they get what pleases them. The old maids lament. Love without a man is like hell without heaven. I know, for I've been there.
If you don't believe me, try it. Blood versus Hooch A Scotchman had been presented with a pint flask of rare old Scotch whiskey. He was walking briskly along the road toward home when along came a ford which he did not sidestep quite in time. It threw him down and hurt his leg quite badly.
He got up and limped down the road. Suddenly he noticed that something warm and wet was trickling down his leg. Oh, God, he groaned. I hope that's blood! A stew's lament.
George, I don't believe you did put the cat out. Well, if you think I'd tell a lie about a thing like that, go and put her out yourself. Sympathy The harassed and weary-looking man, the personification of genteel poverty, paused before the windows which had been hired by the Humane Society.
In the center of the window was the picture of a large furry animal with a woebegone expression on its face. Underneath was the placard. I was skinned to provide a woman with fashionable furs. For a moment the tired expression faded from the man's face. I know just how you feel, poor old chap, he muttered. So was I. Excuse me? A little boy in his nightdress was on his knees saying his prayers,
and his little sister could not resist the temptation to tickle his feet. He stood it as long as he could and then said, Please, God, excuse me while I knock the devil out of Nellie. Objection sustained. A young lady has written the Navy Department
asking that the styles in sailors' uniforms be changed so that the girls will not be embarrassed. Every time I dance with a sailor, his loose, flappy trousers tickle my ankles and make me think my petticoat has fallen, she complains.
There are others. Here's to those who'd love us if we only cared Here's to those we'd love if we only dared You know the difference between a crab and a fish? Be a live fish, not a crab
Because a live fish swims upstream and a crab goes backward Only six months to wait for the second October whiz-bang annual End of Section 23 Read by Scotty Smith End of Captain Billy's Whiz-Bang, Volume 2, Number 19, April 1921, by W. H. Fawcett.
