Chapter 64
volume six chapter ten of cecilia cecilia memoirs of an heiress by francis burney volume six chapter x a retreat the next morning cecilia arose late not only to avoid the raillery of lady honoria but to escape seeing the departure of delvile she knew that the spirit with which she had left him made him at present think her wholly insensible and she was at least happy to be spared the mortification of a discovery since she found him thus content without even solicitation to resign her before she was dressed lady honoria ran into her room a new scheme of politics she cried our great statesman intends to leave us he can't trust his baby out of his sight so he's going to nurse him while upon the road himself poor pretty dear mortimer what a puppet do they make of him i have a vast inclination to get a pat-book myself and make him a present of it cecilia then inquired further particulars and heard that mr delvile proposed accompanying his son to bristol
whose journey therefore was postponed for a few hours to give time for new preparations mr delvile who upon this occasion thought himself overwhelmed with business because before his departure he had some directions to give his domestics chose to breakfast in his own apartment mrs delvile also wishing for some private conversation with her son invited him to partake of hers in her dressing-room sending an apology to her guests and begging they would order their breakfasts when they pleased mr delvile scrupulous in ceremony had made sundry apologies to lord ernolf for leaving him but his real anxiety for his son overpowering his artificial character the excuses he gave to that nobleman were such as could not possibly offend and the views of his lordship himself in this visit being nothing interrupted so long as cecilia continued at the castle he readily engaged as a proof that he was not affronted to remain with mrs delvile till his return cecilia therefore had her breakfast with the two lords and lady honoria and when it was over lord ernolf proposed to his son riding the first stage with the two mr delvilles on horseback
this was agreed upon and they left the room and then lady honoria full of frolic and gaiety seized one of the napkins and protested she would send it to mortimer for a slabbering bib she therefore made it up in a parcel and wrote upon the inside of the paper with which she enveloped it a pinafore for master mortimer delvile lest he should daub his pappy when he is feeding him eager to have this properly conveyed she then ran out to give it in charge to her own man who was to present him with it as soon as he got into the chaise she had but just quitted the room when the door of it was again opened and by mortimer himself booted and equipped for his journey miss beverley here and alone cried he with a look and in a voice which showed that all the pride of the preceding evening was sunk into the deepest dejection and does she not fly as i approach her can she patiently bear in her sight one so strange so fiery so inconsistent but she is too wise to resent the ravings of a madman and who under the influence of a passion at once hopeless and violent can boast but at intervals full possession of his reason cecilia utterly astonished by a gentleness so humble looked at him in silent surprise
he advanced to her mournfully and added i am ashamed indeed of the bitterness of spirit with which i last night provoked your displeasure when i should have supplicated your lenity but though i was prepared for your coldness i could not endure it and though your indifference was almost friendly it made me little less than frantic so strangely may justice be blinded by passion and every faculty of reason be warped by selfishness you have no apology to make sir cried cecilia since believe me i require none you may well returned he half smiling dispense with my apologies since under the sanction of that word i obtained your hearing yesterday but believe me you will now find me far more reasonable a whole night's reflections reflections which no repose interrupted have brought me to my senses even lunatics you know have lucid moments do you intend sir to set off soon i believe so i wait only for my father but why is miss beverley so impatient i shall not soon return that at least is certain and for a few instants delay may surely offer some palliation
see if i am not ready to again accuse you of severity i must run i find or all my boasted reformation will end but in fresh offence fresh disgrace and fresh contrition adieu madam and may all prosperity attend you that will be ever my darling wish however long my absence however distant the climates which may part us he was then hurrying away but cecilia from an impulse of surprise too sudden to be restrained exclaimed the climates do you then mean to leave england yes cried he with quickness for why should i remain in it a few weeks only could i fill up in any tour so near home and hither in a few weeks to return would be folly and madness in an absence so brief what thought but that of the approaching meeting would occupy me and what at that meeting should i feel but joy the most dangerous and delight which i dare not think of every conflict renewed every struggle refelt again all this scene would require to be acted again i must tear myself away and every tumultuous passion now beating in my heart would be revived and if possible be revived with added misery no neither my temper nor my constitution will endure such another shock
one parting shall suffice and the fortitude with which i will lengthen my self-exile shall atone to myself for the weakness which makes it requisite and then with a vehemence that seemed fearful of the smallest delay he was again and yet more hastily going when cecilia with much emotion called out two moments sir two thousand two million cried he impetuously and returning with a look of the most earnest surprise he added what is it miss beverley will condescend to command nothing cried she recovering her presence of mind but to beg you will by no means upon my account quit your country and your friends since another asylum can be found for myself and since i would much sooner part from mrs delvile greatly and sincerely as i reverence her than be instrumental to robbing her even for a month of her son generous and humane is the consideration cried he but who half so generous so humane is miss beverley so soft to all others so noble in herself can my mother have a wish when i leave her with you no she is sensible of your worth she adores you almost as i adore you myself you are now under her protection you seem indeed born for each other
let me not then deprive her of so honourable a charge oh why must he who sees in such colours the excellencies of both who admires with such fervour the perfections you unite be torn with this violence from the objects he reveres even though half his life he would sacrifice to spend in their society what remained well then sir cried cecilia who now felt her courage decline and the softness of sorrow steal fast upon her spirits if you will not give up your scheme let me no longer detain you will you not wish me a good journey yes very sincerely and will you pardon the unguarded errors which have offended you i will think of them sir no more farewell then most amiable of women and may every blessing you deserve light on your head i leave you to my mother certain of your sympathetic affection for a character so resembling your own when you madam leave her may the happy successor in your favour he paused his voice faltered cecilia too turned away from him and uttering a deep sigh he caught her hand and pressing it to his lips exclaimed o great be your felicity in whatever way you receive it pure is your virtues and warm is your benevolence o too lovely miss beverley
why why must i quit you cecilia though she trusted not her voice to reprove him forced away her hand and then in the utmost perturbation he rushed out of the room this scene for cecilia was the most unfortunate that could have happened the gentleness of delvile was alone sufficient to melt her since her pride had no subsistence when not fed by his own and while his mildness had blunted her displeasure his anguish had penetrated her heart lost in thought and in sadness she continued fixed to her seat and looking at the door through which he had passed as if with himself he had shut out all for which she existed this pensive dejection was not long uninterrupted lady honoria came running back with intelligence in what manner she had disposed of her napkin and cecilia in listening endeavoured to find some diversion but her ladyship though volatile not undiscerning soon perceived that her attention was constrained and looking at her with much archness said i believe my dear i must find another napkin for you not however for your mouth but for your eyes has mortimer been in to take leave of you
take leave of me no is he gone oh no pappy has a world of business to settle first he won't be ready these two hours but don't look so sorrowful for i'll run and bring mortimer to console you away she flew and cecilia who had no power to prevent her finding her spirits unequal either to another parting or to the raillery of lady honoria should mortimer for his own sake avoid it took refuge in flight and seizing an umbrella escaped into the park where to perplex any pursuers instead of choosing her usual walk she directed her steps to a thick and unfrequented wood and never rested till she was more than two miles from the house fiddle however who now always accompanied her ran by her side and when she thought herself sufficiently distant and private to be safe she sat down under a tree and caressing her faithful favorite soothed her own tenderness by lamenting that he had lost his master and having now no part to act and no dignity to support no observation to fear and no inference to guard against she gave vent to her long smothered emotions by weeping without caution or restraint
she had met with an object whose character answered all her wishes for him with whom she should entrust her fortune and whose turn of mind so similar to her own promised her the highest domestic felicity to this object her affections had involuntarily bent they were seconded by esteem and unchecked by any suspicion of impropriety in her choice she had found too in return that his heart was all her own her birth indeed was inferior but it was not disgraceful her disposition education and temper seemed equal to his fondest wishes yet at the very time when their union appeared most likely when they mixed with the same society and dwelt under the same roof when the father to one was the guardian to the other and interest seemed to invite their alliance even more than affection the young man himself without counsel or command could tear himself from her presence by an effort all his own forbear to seek her heart and almost charge her not to grant it and determining upon voluntary exile quit his country and his connections with no view and for no reason but merely that he might avoid the sight of her he loved though the motive for this conduct was now no longer unknown to her she neither thought it satisfactory nor necessary
yet while she censored his flight she bewailed his loss and though his inducement was repugnant to her opinion his command over his passions she admired and applauded chapter ten
