Chapter 11
Letter 11 of Clarissa Harlow, Volume 3. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Larry Wilson. Clarissa Harlow, Volume 3 by Samuel Richardson.
Chapter 11. Mr. Loveless to John Belford, Esquire. The people who came about us as we alighted, seen by their jaw-fallen faces and goggling eyes, to wonder at beholding a charming young lady, majesty in her air and respect, so composedly dressed, yet with features so discomposed, come off a journey which made the cattle smoke and
the servants sweat. I read their curiosity in their faces, and my beloved's uneasiness in hers. She cast a conscious glance as she alighted upon her habit, which was no habit, and repulsively, as I must say, quitting my assisting hand, hurried into the house. Ovid was not a greater master of metamorphosis than thy friend. To the mistress of the house I instantly changed her into a sister,
brought off by surprise from a near relations, where she had wintered, to prevent her marrying a confounded rake. I love always to go as near the truth as I can, whom her father and mother, her elder sister, and all her loving uncles, aunts, and cousins aboard. This accounted for my charmer's expected solons, for her displeasure when she was to join me again were to hold, for her unsuitable dress
upon the road, and at the same time gave her a proper and seasonable assurance of my honorable views. All these and still more mortifying things, she said. I heard her in silence, but when it came to my turn, I pleaded, I argued, I answered her as well as I could, and when humility would not do, I raised my voice and suffered my eyes to sparkle with anger, hoping to take advantage of that sweet cowardice which is so amiable in the sex, and to which my victory over this proud beauty is
principally owing. She was not intimidated, however, and was going to rise upon me in her temper, and would have broken in upon my defense. But when a man talks to a woman upon such subjects, let her be ever so much in alt. Tis strange if he cannot throw out a tub to the whale. That is to say, if he cannot divert her from resenting one bold thing by uttering two or three full as bold, but for which more favorable interpretations will lie.
Very true, my precious, and innumerable have been the difficulties thou hast made me struggle with. But one day thou mayest wish that thou had spared this boast, as well as those other pretty haughtinesses, that thou didst not reject psalms for my sake, that my glory, if I valued myself upon carrying thee off, was thy shame,
that I have more merit with myself than with thee or anybody else. What a coxcomb she makes me, Jack. That thou wishest thyself in thy father's house again, whatever were to be the consequence. If I forgive thee, charmer, for these hints,
for these reflections, for these wishes, for these contempts, I am not the loveless I have been reputed to be, and that thy treatment of me shows that thou thinkest I am. In short, her whole air throughout this debate expressed a majestic kind of indignation, which implied a believed superiority of talents over the person to whom she spoke.
Thou hast heard me often expatiate upon the pitiful figure a man must make, whose wife has or believes she has more sense than himself. A thousand reasons could I give why I ought not to think of marrying Miss Clarissa Harlow, at least till I can be sure that she loves me with the preference I must expect from a wife. I begin to stagger at my resolutions. Ever averse as I was to the hymeneal shackles,
how easily will prejudices recur. Heaven give me the heart to be honest to my Clarissa. There's a prayer, Jack. If I should not be heard, what a sad thing would that be for the most admirable of women. Yet, as I do not often trouble heaven with my prayers, who knows, but this may be granted. But there lie before me such charming difficulties, such scenery for intrigue, for stratagem, for enterprise. What a horrible thing that my talents point all that way.
When I know what is honorable and just, and would almost wish to be honest, almost, I say, for such a varlet am I that I cannot altogether wish it for the soul of me. Such a triumph over the whole sex if I can subdue this lady, my maiden vow as I may call it. For did not the sex begin with me? And does this lady spare me? Thinkest thou, Jack, that I should have spared my rosebud had I been set at defiance thus? Her grandmother besought me at first to spare her rosebud,
And when a girl is put or puts herself into a man's power, what can he wish for further? Well, I always considered opposition with resistance as a challenge to do my worst. Why, why will the dear creature take such pains to appear all ice to me? Why will she by her pride awaken mine? Hast thou not seen in the above how contemptibly she treats me?
What have I not suffered for her, and even from her? Ought I to bear being told that she'll despise me if I value myself above that odious psalms? Then she cuts me short in all my ardors. To vow fidelity is by cursed turned upon me
to show that there is reason in my own opinion for doubt of it. The very same reflection upon me once before, in my power or out of my power, all one to this lady. So, Belford, my poor vows are crammed down my throat before they can well rise to my lips. And what can a lover say to his mistress if she will neither let him lie nor swear? One little piece of artifice I had recourse to. When she
pushed so hard for me to leave her, I made a request to her upon a condition she could not refuse, and pretended as much gratitude upon her granting it as if it were a favor of the last consequence. And what was this? But to promise that she had before promised never to marry any other man while I am living and single, unless I should give her cause for high disgust against me. This, you know was promising nothing because she could be offended at any time and was to be the sole
judge of the offense. But it showed her how reasonable and just my expectations were and that I was no encroacher. She consented and asked what security I expected, her word only. She gave me her word, but I besought her excuse for sealing it, and in the same moment, since to have waited for consent would have been asking for denial, saluted her. And believe me or not, but as I hope to live, it was the first time I had the courage to touch her charming lips with mine. And this I
tell thee, Belford, that that single pressure, as modestly put too, as if I were as much a virgin as herself, that she might not be afraid of me another time, delighted me more than ever I was delighted by the ultimatum with any other woman. So precious do awe, reverence, and apprehended prohibition make a favor. And now, Belford, I am only afraid that she shall be too cunning, for she does not at present talk enough for me. I hardly know what to make of the dear creature yet.
I topped the brother's part on Monday night before the landlady at St. Albans asking my sister's pardon for carrying her off so unprepared for a journey. Prated of the joy my father and mother and all our friends would have in receiving her and this with so many circumstances that I perceived by a look she gave me that went through my very reins, that I had gone too far. I apologized for it indeed when alone, but could not penetrate for the soul of me whether I made the matter better
or worse by it. But I am of too frank in nature. My success and the joy I have because of the jewel I am half in possession of has not only unlocked my bosom, but left the door quite open. This is a confounded sly sex. Would she but speak out as I do, but I must learn reserves of her. She must needs be unprovided of money, but has too much pride to accept of any from me. I would have had her go to town. To town, if possible, must I get her consent to go,
in order to provide herself with the richest of silks which that can afford. But neither is this to be assented to. And yet, as my intelligence, sir, acquaints me, her implacable relations are resolved to distress her all they can. These wretches have been most gloriously raving ever since her flight, and still, thank heaven, continue to rave, and will, I hope, for a twelve month to come. Now at last it is my day. Bitterly do they regret that they permitted her poultry
visits and garden walks, which gave her the opportunity to effect an escape which they suppose preconcerted. For as to her dining in the ivy bower, they had a cunning design to answer upon her in that permission, as Betty told Joseph, her lover. They lost, they say, an excellent pretense for confining her more closely on my threatening to rescue her. If they offered to carry her against her will to old Anthony's moated house, for this as I told thee at the heart, and as I once hinted
to the dear creature herself, they had it in deliberation to do, apprehending that I might attempt to carry her off either with or without her consent on some one of those connived at excursions. But here my honest Joseph, who gave me the information, was of admirable service to me. I had taught him to make the Harlows believe that I was as communicative to my servants as their stupid James was to Joseph. Joseph, as they had supposed, by tampering with Will, got all my secrets and was acquainted with all my motions,
and having also undertaken to watch all those of his young lady. The wise family were secure, and so was my beloved, and so was I. I once had it in my head, and I hinted it to thee in a former, in case such a step should be necessary to attempt to carry her off by surprise from the woodhouse, as it is remote from the dwelling house. This, had I attempted, I should have certainly affected, by the help of the
confraternity, and it would have been an action worthy of us all. But Joseph's conscience, as he called that stood in my way, for he thought it must have been known to be done by his connivance. I could, I dare say, have overcome this scruple as easily as I did many of the others, had I not depended at one time upon her meeting me at midnight or late hour, and if she had, she never would have gone back, at other times upon the cunning families doing my work for me equally
against their knowledge or their wills. For well I knew that James and Arabella were determined never to leave off their foolish trials and provocations, till by tiring her out they had either made her psalm's wife, or guilty of some rashness as should throw her forever out of favor of both her uncles, though they had too much malice in their heads to intend service to me by their persecutions of her. End of letter 11
