menu_book Chapter 29

chapter twenty eight of demos a story of english socialism this is the librivox recording all librivox recordings from the public main for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox dot org recording by roxana nazari demos a story of english socialism by george gissing chapter twenty eight adela allowed a week to pass before speaking of her desire to visit mrs westlake in mutimer a fit of sullenness had followed upon his settlement in lodgings he was away from home a good deal but his hours of return were always uncertain and adela could not help thinking that he presented himself at unlikely times merely for the sake of surprising her and discovering her occupation once or twice she had no knowledge of his approach until he opened the door of the room when she remarked on his having ascended to the stairs so quietly he professed not to understand her on one of those occasions she was engaged on a letter to her mother he inquired to whom she was writing and for reply she merely held out the sheet for his perusal he glanced at the superscription and handed it back

breathing this atmosphere of suspicion she shrank from irritating him by a mention of stella and to go without his express permission was impossible stella did not write adela began to fear lest her illness had become more serious when she spoke at length it was in one of the moments of indignation almost of revolt which at intervals came to her she knew not at what impulse at wanley her resource at such times had been to quit the house and pace her chosen walk in the garden till she was weary in london she had no refuge and the result of her loss of fresh air had speedily shown itself in moods of impatience which she found it very difficult to conquer her husband came home one afternoon about five o'clock and refusing to have any tea sat for several hours in complete silence occasionally he pretended to look at a pamphlet which he had brought in with him but for the most part he sat with his legs crossed frowning at vacancy adela grew feverish beneath oppression of this brooding ill-temper her endeavour to read was vain the silence was a constant upon her moving her breathing she spoke before she was conscious of an intention to do so

i think i must go and see mrs westlake to-morrow morning mutimer vouchsafed no answer gave no sign of having heard she repeated the words if you must you must i wish to adela said with an emphasis she could not help do you object to my going he was surprised at her tone i don't object i've told you i think you get no good there would go if you like she said after a silence i have no other friend in london and if it were only on account of her kindness to me i owe her a visit all right don't talk about it any more i'm thinking of something the evening wore on at ten o'clock the servant brought up a jug of beer which she fetched from mutimer every night he said he could not sleep without the sedative it was always the sign for adela to go to bed she visited stella in the morning and found her still suffering they talked for an hour then it was time for adela to hasten homewards in order to have dinner ready by half-past one

from stella she had no secret save the one which she did her best to make a secret even to herself she spoke freely of her mode of life though without comment stella made no comments in her replies and you cannot have lunch with me she asked when her friend rose i cannot dear may i write to you stella said with a meaning look yes to tell me how you are adela had not got far from the house when she saw her husband walking towards her she looked at him steadily i happened to be near he explained and thought i might as well go home with you i might have been gone oh i shouldn't have waited long the form of his reply discovered that he had no intention of calling at the house adela understood that he had been in avenue road for some time probably had reached it very soon after her the next morning there arrived for mutimer a letter from alice she desired to see him her husband would be from home all day and she would be found at any hour her business was of importance underlined mutimer went shortly after breakfast alice received him very much as she would have done in the days before the catastrophe

she had arrayed herself with special care he found her leaning on cushions her feet on a stool the eternal novel on her lap her brother had to stifle anger at seeing her thus in appearance unaffected by the storm which had swept away his own happiness and luxuries what is it you want he asked at once without preliminary greeting you are not very polite ellis returned perhaps you'll take a chair i haven't much time so please don't waste what i can afford are you so busy have you found something to do i'm likely to have enough to do with people who keep what doesn't belong to them it isn't my doing dick she said more seriously i don't suppose it is then you oughtn't to be angry with me i'm not angry what do you want i went to see mother yesterday i think she wants you to go it looked like it i'll go some day it's too bad that she should have to keep arry in idleness she hasn't to keep him i sent her money but how are you to afford that that's not your business alice looked indignant i think you might speak more politely to me in my own house it isn't your own house

it is as long as i live in it i suppose you'd like to see me go back to a work-room it's all very well for you if you live in lodgings that doesn't say you've got no money we have to do the best we can for ourselves we haven't got your chances of making a good bargain it was said with much intention alice had closed her eyes and curled her lips in a disdainful smile what chances what do you mean perhaps if i'd been a particular friend of mr eldon's never mind he flashed a look at her what are you talking about just speak plainly will you what do you mean by particular friend i'm no more a friend of eldon's than you are and i've made no bargain with him i didn't say you who then he exclaimed sternly don't you know some one is so very proper and such a fine lady i shouldn't have thought she'd have done things without your knowing he turned pale and seemed to crush the floor with his foot that he might stand firm you're talking of adela alice nodded what about her say at once what you've got to say

inwardly she was a little frightened perhaps half wished that she had not begun yet it was sweet to foresee the thunderbolt that would fall on her enemy's head that her brother would suffer torments did not affect her imagination she had never credited him with strong feeling for his wife and it was too late to draw back you know that she met mr eldon in the wood at wanley on the day after she found the will mutimer knitted his brows to regard her but in speaking he was more self-governed than before who told you that my husband he saw them together and heard them talking yes rodman had only implied this alice's subsequent interrogation had failed to elicit more from him than dark hints mutimer drew a quick breath he must be good at spying next time i hope he'll find out something worth talking about alice was surprised you know about it just as much as rodman do you understand that you don't believe

she herself had doubts it's nothing to you whether i believe it or not just be good enough in future to mind your own business you'll have plenty of it before long i suppose that's what you brought me here for she made no answer she was vexed and puzzled have you anything else to say alice maintained a stubborn silence alice have you anything more to tell me about adela no i haven't then you might have spared me the trouble tell rodman with my compliments that it would be as well for him to keep out of my way he left her on quitting the house he walked at a great pace for a quarter of a mile before he remembered the necessity of taking either train or omnibus the latter was at hand but when he had ridden for ten minutes the constant stoppages so irritated him that he jumped out and sought a hansom even thus he did not travel fast enough it seemed an endless time before the ascent of pentonville hill began he descended a little distance from his lodgings as he was paying the driver another hansom went by he by chance saw the occupant and it was hubert eldon at least he felt convinced of it and he was in no mind to balance the possibilities of mistake the hansom had come from the street which mutimer was just entering

he found adela engaged in cooking the dinner she wore an apron and the sleeves of her dress were pushed up as he came into the room she looked at him with her patient smile finding that he was in one of his worst tempers she said nothing and went on with her work a coarse cloth was thrown over at the table on it lay a bowl of vegetables which she was preparing for the saucepan perhaps it was the sight of her occupation of the cheerful simplicity with which she addressed herself to work so unworthy of her he could not speak at once as he had meant to he examined her with eyes of angry half-foiled suspicion she had occasion to pass him he caught her arm and stayed her before him what has eldon been doing here she paused and shrank a little mr eldon has not been here he thought her face betrayed a guilty agitation i happen to have met him going away i think you'd better tell me the truth i have told you the truth if mr eldon has been to the house i was not aware of it he looked at her in silence for a moment then asked are you the greatest hypocrite living

adela drew further away she kept her eyes down long ago she had suspected what was in mutimer's mind but she had only been apprehensive of the results of jealousy on his temper and on their relations to each other it had not entered her thought that she might have to defend herself against an accusation this violent question affected her strangely for a moment she referred it entirely to the secrets of her heart and it seemed impossible to deny what was imputed to her impossible even to resent his way of speaking was she not a hypocrite had she not many many times concealed with look and voice an inward state which was equivalent to infidelity was not her whole life a pretence an affectation of wifely virtues but the hypocrisy was involuntary her nature had no power to extirpate its causes and put in their place the perfect dignity of uprightness why do you ask me that she said at length raising her eyes for an instant because it seems to me i've good cause i don't know whether to believe a word you say

i can't remember to have told you falsehoods her cheeks flushed guess one that i confess to you it brought to his mind the story of the wedding ring there's such a thing as lying when you tell the truth do you remember that i met you coming back to the manor that monday afternoon a month ago and asked you where you'd been her heart stood still answer me will you i remember it you told me you'd been for a walk in the wood you forgot to say who it was you went to meet how did he know of this but that thought came to her only to pass she understood at length the whole extent of his suspicion it was not only her secret feelings that he called in question he accused her of actual dishonour as it is defined by the world that clumsy world with its topsy-turvydom of moral judgments to have this certainty flashed upon her was as soon as she had recovered from the shock a sensible assuagement of her misery in face of this she could stand her ground her womanhood was in arms she faced him scornfully

will you please to make plain your charge against me i think it's plain enough if a married woman makes appointments in quiet places with a man she has no business to see anywhere what's that called i fancy i've seen something of that kind before now in cases before the divorce court it angered him that she was not overwhelmed he saw that she did not mean to deny having met eldon and to have alice's story thus confirmed inflamed his jealousy beyond endurance you must believe of me what you like adela replied in a slow subdued voice my word would be vain against that of my accuser whoever it is your accuser as you say happened not only to see you but to hear you talking he waited for her surrender before this evidence instead of that adela smiled if my words were reported to you what fault have you to find with me her confidence together with his actual ignorance of what rodman had heard troubled him with doubt answer this question he said did you make an appointment with that man i did not you did not yet you met him

unexpectedly but you talked with him how can you ask you know that i did he collected his thoughts repeat to me what you talked about that i refuse to do "'Of course you do!' he cried, driven to frenzy. "'And you think I shall let this rest where it is? "'Have you forgotten that I came to the Westlakes and found Eldon there with you? "'And what was he doing in this street this morning if he hadn't come to see you?

"'I begin to understand why you were so precious eager about giving up the will. "'That was your fine sense of honesty, of course. "'You are full of fine senses, but your mistake is to think I've no sense at all. "'What do you take me for?' the thin crust of refinement was shattered the very man came to light coarse violent whipped into fury by his passions of which injured self-love was not the least whether he believed his wife guilty or not he could not have said

enough that she had kept things secret from him and that he could not overawe her whensoever he had shown anger in conversation with her she had made him sensible of her superiority at length he fell back upon his brute force and resolved to bring her to his feet if need be by outrage even his accent deteriorated as he flung out his passionate words he spoke like any london mechanic with defect and excess of aspirates with neglect of g's at the end of words and so on adela could not bear it she moved to the door but he caught her and thrust her back it was all but a blow her face half recalled him to his senses where are you going he stammered anywhere anywhere away from this house and from you adela replied effort to command herself was vain his heavy hand had completed the effect of his language and she too spoke as nature impelled her let me pass i would rather die than remain here all the same you'll stay where you are yes your strength is greater than mine you can hold me by force but you have insulted me beyond forgiveness and we are as much strangers as if we had never met

you have broken every bond that bound me to you you can make me your prisoner but like a prisoner my one thought will be of escape i will touch no food whilst i remain here i have no duties to you and you no claim upon me all the same you stay before her sobbing vehemence he had grown calm these words were so unimaginable on her lips that he could make no reply save stubborn repetition of his refusal and having uttered that he went from the room changing the key to the outside and locking her in fear lest he might be unable to withhold himself from laying hands upon her was the cause of his retreat the lust of cruelty was boiling in him as once or twice before her beauty in revolt made a savage of him he went into the bedroom and there waited adela sat alone sobbing still but tearless her high-spirited nature once thoroughly aroused it was some time before she could reason on what had come to pass the possibility of such an end to her miseries had never presented itself even in her darkest hours endurance was all she could ever look forward to

as her blood fell into calmer flow she found it hard to believe that she had not dreamt this scene of agony she looked about the room there on the table were the vegetables she had been preparing her hands bore the traces of the work she had done this morning it seemed as though she had only to rise and go on with her duties as usual her arm was painful just below the shoulder yes that was where he had seized her with his hard hand to push her away from the door what had she said in her distraction she had broken away from him and repudiated her wifehood was it not well done if he believed her unfaithful to him at an earlier period of her married life such a charge would have held her mute with horror its effect now was not quite the same she could face the thought interrogate herself as to its meaning with a shudder indeed but a shudder which came of fear as well as loathing life was no longer an untried country its difficulties and perils to be met with the sole aid of a few instincts and a few maxims she had sounded the depths of misery and was invested with the woeful knowledge of what we poor mortals call the facts of existence

and sitting here as on the desert bed of a river whose water had of a sudden ceased to flow she could regard her own relation to truths however desolating with the mind which had rather brave all than any longer seek to deceive itself of that which he imputed to her she was incapable that such suspicion of her could enter his mind branded him with baseness but his jealousy was justified howsoever it had awakened in him it was sustained by truth was it her duty to tell him that and so to render it impossible for him to seek to detain her but would the confession have any such result did he not already believe her criminal and yet forbid her to leave him on what terms did she stand with a man whose thought was devoid of delicacy who had again and again proved himself without understanding of the principles of honour and could she indeed make an admission which would compel her at the same time to guard against revolting misconceptions the question of how he had obtained this knowledge recurred to her it was evident that the spy had intentionally calumniated her professing to have heard her speak incriminating words she thought of rodman

he had troubled her by his private request that she would appeal to eldon on alice's behalf a request which was almost an insult could he have been led to make it in consequence of his being aware of that meeting in the wood that might well be she distrusted him and believed him capable even of a dastardly revenge what was the troublesome thought that hung darkly in her mind and would not come to consciousness she held it at last mutimer had said that he met hubert in the street below how to explain that hubert so near her perhaps still in the neighbourhood again she shrank with fear what might it mean if he had really come in hope of seeing her that was unworthy of him had she betrayed herself in her conversation with him then he was worse than cruel to her it seemed to her that hours passed from time to time she heard of movement in the next room mutimer was still there there sounded at the house door a loud postman's knock and in a few minutes some one came up the stairs doubtless to bring a letter

the bedroom door opened she heard her husband thank the servant and again shut himself in the fire which she had been about to use for cooking was all but dead she rose and put fresh coals on there was a small oblong mirror over the mantelpiece it showed her so ghastly a face that she turned quickly away if she succeeded in escaping from her prison whither should she go her mother would receive her but it was impossible to go to wanley to live near the manor impossible too to take refuge with stella if she fled and hid herself in some other part of london how was life to be supported but there were graver obstacles openly to flee from her husband was to subject herself to injurious suspicions it might be considering mutimer's character to involve hubert in some intolerable public shame or if that worst extremity were avoided would it not be said that she deserted her husband because he had suddenly become poor that last thought brought the blood to her cheeks

but to live with him after this to smear over a deadly wound and pretend it was healed to read hourly in his face the cowardly triumph over her weakness to submit herself oh what rescue from this hideous degradation she went to the window as if it had been possible to escape by that way she turned again and stood moaning with her hands about her head when was the worst to come in this life so long since bereft of hope so forsaken of support from man or god the thought of death came to her she subdued the tumult of her agony to weigh it well whom would she wrong by killing herself herself it might be perchance not even death would be sacred against outrage she heard a neighbouring clock strike five and shortly after her husband entered the room had she looked at him she would have seen an inexplicable animation in his face he paced the floor once or twice in silence then asked in a hard voice though the tone was quite other than before

will you tell me what it was you talked of that day in the wood she did not reply i suppose by refusing to speak you confess that you dare not let me know physical torture could not have wrung a word from her she felt her heart surge with hatred he went to a cupboard in which food was kept took out a loaf of bread and cut a slice he ate it standing before the window then he cleared the table and sat down to write a letter it occupied him for half an hour when it was finished he put it in his pocket and began again to pace the room are you going to sit like that all night he asked suddenly she drew a deep sigh and rose from her seat he saw that she no longer thought of escaping him she began to make preparations for tea as helpless in his hands as though he had purchased her in a slave market of what avail to sit like a perverse child the force of her hatred warned her to keep watch lest she brought herself to his level

without defence against indignities which were bitter as death by law his chattel as likely as not to feel the weight of his hand if she again roused his anger what remained but to surrender all outward things to unthinking habit and to keep her soul apart nourishing in silence the fire of its revolt it was the most pity-moving of all tragedies a noble nature overcome by sordid circumstances she was deficient in the strength of character which will subdue all circumstances her strength was of the kind that supports endurance rather than breaks away to freedom every day every hour is some such tragedy played through it is the inevitable result of our social state adela could have wept tears of blood her shame was like a branding iron upon her flesh she was on the second floor of a lodging-house in pentonville making tea for her husband that husband appeared to have undergone a change since he quitted her a few hours ago he was still venomous towards her but his countenance no longer lowered dangerously

something distinct from his domestic troubles seemed to be occupying him something of a pleasant nature he all but smiled now and then the glances he cast at adela were not wholly occupied with her he plainly wished to speak but could not bring himself to do so he ate and drank of what she put before him adela took a cup of tea but had no appetite for food when he had satisfied himself she removed the things another half-hour passed mutimer was pretending to read adela at length broke the silence i think she said i was wrong in refusing to tell you what passed between mr eldon and myself when i by chance met him some one seems to have misled you he began by hoping that we should not think ourselves bound to leave the manor until we had had full time to make the necessary arrangements i thanked him for his kindness and then asked something further

it was that if he could by any means do so he would continue the works at new wanley without any change maintaining the principles on which they had begun he said that was impossible and explained to me what his intentions were and why he had formed them that was our conversation mutimer observed her with a smile which affected incredulity will you take your oath that that is true he asked no i have told you because i see now that the explanation was owing since you have been deceived if you disbelieve me it is of no concern of mine she had taken up some sewing and having spoken went on with it mutimer kept his eyes fixed upon her his suspicions never resisted a direct word from adela's lips though other feelings might exasperate him what he had just heard he believed the more readily because it so surprised him it was one of those revelations of his wife's superiority which abashed him without causing evil feeling

they always had the result of restoring to him for a moment something of the reverence with which he had approached her in the early days of their acquaintance even now he could not escape the impression what was eldon doing about here to-day he asked after a pause i have told you that i did not even know he had been near perhaps not now will you just tell me this have you written to eldon or had any letter from him since our marriage her fingers would not continue their work a deadening sense of disgust made her close her eyes as if to shut out the meaning of his question her silence revived his distrust had you rather not answer he said significantly cannot you see that it degrades me to answer such a question what is your opinion of me have i behaved so as to lead you to think that i am an abandoned woman after hesitating he muttered you don't give a plain yes or no you must not expect it if you think i use arts to deceive you if you have no faith whatever in my purity it was your duty to let me go from you when i would have done so

it is horrible for us to live together from the moment that there is such doubt on either side it makes me something lower than your servant something that has no name she shuddered had not that been true of her from the very morrow of their marriage her life was cast away upon shoals of debasement no sanctity of womanhood remained in her was not her indignation half a mockery she could not even defend her honesty her honour in the vulgarest sense of the word without involving herself in a kind of falsehood which was desolation to her spirit it had begun in her advocacy of uprightness after her discovery of the will it was imbuing her whole nature making her to her own conscience that which he had called her a very hypocrite he spoke more conciliatingly well there's one thing at all events that you can't refuse to explain why didn't you tell me you had met eldon and what he meant to do she had not prepared herself for the question and it went to the root of her thoughts

none the less she replied instantly careless how he understood the truth i kept silence because the meeting had given me pain because it distressed me to have to speak with mr eldon at that place and at that time because i knew how you regard him and was afraid to mention him to you mutimer was at a loss if adela had calculated her reply with the deepest art she could not have chosen words better fitted to silence him and you have told me every word that passed between you he asked that would be impossible i have told you the substance of the conversation why did you ask him to keep the works going on my plan i can tell you no more her strength was spent she put aside her sewing and moved towards the door where are you going i don't feel well i must rest just stop a minute i've something here i want to show you she turned warily mutimer took a letter from his pocket will you read that she took it it was written in a very clear delicate hand and ran thus dear sir i who address you have lain for two years on a bed from which i shall never move till i am carried to my grave my age is three-and-twenty an accident which happened to me a few days after my twenty-first birthday left me without the use of my limbs

it often seems to me that it would have been better if i had died but there is no arguing with fate and the wise thing is to accept cheerfully whatever befalls us i hoped at one time to take an active part in life and my interest in the world's progress is as strong as ever especially in everything that concerns social reform i have for some time known your name and have constantly sought information about your grand work at new wanley now i venture to write by the hand of a dear friend to express my admiration for your high endeavour and my grief at the circumstances which have made you powerless to continue it i am possessed of means and as you see can spend but little on myself i ask you with much earnestness to let me be of some small use to the cause of social justice by putting in your hands the sum of five hundred pounds to be employed as may seem good to you i need not effect to be ignorant of your position and it is my great fear lest you should be unable to work for socialism with your undivided energies

will you accept this money and continue by means of public lecturing to spread the gospel of emancipation that i am convinced is your first desire if you will do me this great kindness i shall ask your permission to arrange that the same sum be paid to you annually for the next ten years whether i still live or not to be helping in this indirect way would cheer me more than you can think i enclose a draft on monsieur's as i do not know your private address i send this to the office of the piry cross pardon me for desiring to remain anonymous many reasons necessitated if you grant me this favour will you advertise the word accepted in the times newspaper within ten days with heartfelt sympathy and admiration i signed myself a friend adela was unmoved she returned the letter as if it had no interest for her what do you think of that said mutimer forgetting their differences in his exultation

i'm glad you can continue your work adela replied absently she was moving away when he again stopped her look here adela he hesitated are you still angry with me she was silent i am sorry i lost my temper i didn't mean all i said to you will you try and forget it her lips spoke for her i will try you needn't go on doing housework now he said assuringly are you going come and say good-night he approached her and laid his hand upon her shoulder adela shrank from his touch and for an instant gazed at him with wide eyes of fear he dropped his hands and let her go chapter twenty eight