menu_book Chapter 44

esther waters by george moore chapter forty four with fair weather he might hold on till christmas but if much fog was about he would go off with the last leaves one day esther received a letter asking her to defer her visit from friday to sunday he hoped to be better on sunday and then they would arrange when she should come to take him away he begged of her to have jack home to meet him he wanted to see his boy before he died mrs collins a woman who lived in the next room read the letter to esther if you can do as he wishes once they get them fancies into their heads there's no getting them out if he leaves the hospital on a day like this it'll be the death of him both women went to the window the fog was so thick that only an outline here and there was visible of the house opposite the lamps burnt low mournful as in a city of the dead and the sounds that rose out of the street added to the terror of the strange darkness

what do we say about jack that i'm to send for him it's natural he should like to see the boy before he goes but it would be cheerfuller to take him to the hospital you see he wants to die at home he wants you to be with him at the last yes i want to see the last of him but the boy where's he to sleep we can lay a mattress down in my room an old woman like me it don't matter sunday morning was harsh and cold and when she came out of south kensington station a fog was rising in the squares and a great whiff of yellow cloud drifted down upon the housetops in the fulham road the tops of the houses disappeared and the light of the third gas-lamp was not visible this is the sort of weather that takes them off i can hardly breathe it myself everything was shadow-like those walking in front of her passed out of sight like shades

and once she thought she must have missed her way though that was impossible for her way was quite straight suddenly the silhouette of the winged building rose up enormous on the sulphur sky the low-lying gardens were full of poisonous vapour and the thin trees seemed like the goats of consumptive men the porter coughed like a dead man as she passed and he said bad weather for the poor sick ones upstairs she was prepared for a change for the worse but she did not expect to see a living man looking so like a dead one he could no longer lie back in bed and breathe so he was propped up with pillows and he looked even as shadow-like as those she had half seen in the fog cloud there was fog even in the ward and the lights burned red in the silence there were five beds low iron bedsteads and each was covered with a dark red rug in the furthest corner lay the wreck of a great working man he wore his hobnails and his corduroys and his once brawny arm lay along his thigh shrivelled and powerless as a child's

in the middle of the room a little clerk wasted and weary without any strength at all lay striving for breath the navvy was alone the little clerk had his family round him his wife and his two children a baby in arms and a little boy three years old the doctor had just come in and the woman was prattling gaily about her confinement she said i was up the following week wonderful what we women can go through no one would think it brought the childer to see their father they is a little idle to him poor fellow how are you to-day dearie esther said as she took a seat by her husband's bed better than i was on friday what this weather'll do for me if it continues much longer you see them two beds they died yesterday and i've heard the three or four that left the hospital are gone too the doctor came to william's bed well are you still determined to go home he said yes i'd like to die at home you can't do nothing for me i'd like to die at home i want to see my boy

you can see jack here said esther i'd sooner see him at home i suppose you don't want the trouble of a death in the house oh william how can you speak so the patient coughed painfully and leaned against the pillows unable to speak esther remained with william till the time permitted to visitors had expired he could not speak to her but she knew he liked her to be with him when she came on thursday to take him away he was a little better the clerk's wife was chattering the great navvy lay in the corner still as a block of stone esther often looked at him and wondered if he had no friend who could spare an hour to come and see him i was beginning to think that you wasn't coming said william he's that restless said the clerk's wife asking the time every three or four minutes how could you think that said esther i dunno you're a bit late aren't you it often do make them that restless said the clerk's wife but me poor old man is quite enough aren't you dear the diring clerk could not answer and the woman turned again to esther and how do you find him to-day

much the same i think he's a bit better stronger don't yer know but this weather's that trying i don't know how it was up your way but down my way i never seen such a fog i thought i'd have to turn back at that moment the baby began to cry and the woman walked up and down the ward rocking it violently talking loud and making a great deal of noise but she could not quiet him hungry again she said i never seen such a child for the breast and she sat down and unbuttoned her dress when the young doctor entered she hurriedly covered herself he begged her to continue and spoke about her little boy she showed him a scar on his throat he had been suffering but it was all right now the doctor glanced at the breathless father a little better to-day thank you doctor that's all right and the doctor went over to william are you still determined to leave the hospital he said yes i want to go home i want to you'll find this weather very trying you'd better no thank you sir

i should like to go home you've been very kind you've done everything that could be done for me but it's god's will my wife is very grateful to you too yes indeed i am sir however am i to thank you for your kindness to my husband i'm sorry i couldn't do more but you'll want the sister to help you to dress him i'll send her to you when they got him out of bed esther was shocked at the spectacle of his poor body there was nothing left of him his poor chest his wasted ribs his legs gone to nothing and the strange weakness worst of all which made it so hard for them to dress him at last it was nearly done esther laced one boot the nurse the other and leaning on esther's arm he looked round the room for the last time the navvy turned round on his bed and said god-bye mate good-bye good-bye all the clerk's little son clung to his mother's skirt frightened at the weakness of so big a man go and say good-bye to the gentleman the little boy came forward timidly offering his hand

william looked at the poor little white face he nodded to the father and went out as he went downstairs he said he would like to go home in a hansom the doctor and nurse expostulated but he persisted until esther begged of him to forego the wish for her sake they do rattle so these four-wheelers especially when the windows are up one can't speak the cab jogged up piccadilly and as it climbed out of the hollow the dying man's eyes were fixed on the circle of lights that shone across the green park They looked like a distant village, and Esther wondered if William was thinking of Shoreham. She had seen Shoreham look like that sometimes, or if he was thinking that he was looking on London for the last time. Was he saying to himself, I shall never see Piccadilly again?

They passed St. James's Street. The circus, with its mob of prostitutes, came into view. the criterion bar with its loafers standing outside william leaned a little forward and esther was sure he was thinking that he would never go into that bar again the cab turned to the left and esther said that it would cross soho perhaps passed down old compton street opposite their old house it happened that it did and esther and william wondered who were the new people who were selling beer and whisky in the bar all the while boys were crying winner all the winner they was run to-day flat racing all over all over for this year esther did not answer the cab passed over a piece of asphalt and he said is jack waiting for us yes he came home yesterday

the fog was thick in bloomsbury and when he got out of the cab he was taken with the fit of coughing and had to cling to the railings she had to pay the cab and it took some time to find the money would no one open the door she was surprised to see him make his way up the steps to the bell and having got her change she followed him into the house i can manage go on first i'll follow and stopping every three or four steps for rest he slowly dragged himself up to the first landing a door opened and jack stood on the threshold of the lighted room is that you mother yes dear your father is coming up the boy came forward to help but his mother whispered he'd rather come up by himself william had just strength to walk into the room they gave him a chair and he fell back exhausted he looked around and seemed pleased to see his home again esther gave him some milk into which he had put a little brandy and he gradually revived

come this way jack i want to look at you come into the light where i can see you yes father i haven't long to see you jack i wanted to be with you and your mother in our own home i can talk a little now i may not be able to to-morrow yes father i want you to promise me jack that you'll never have nothing to do with racing and betting it hasn't brought me or your mother any luck very well father you promise me jack give me your hand you promise me that jack yes father i promise i see it all clearly enough now your mother jack is the best woman in the world she loved you better than i did she worked for you that is a sad story i hope you'll never hear it husband and wife looked at each other and in that look the wife promised the husband that the son should never know the story of her desertion

she was always against the betting jack she always knew it would bring us ill-luck i was once well off but i lost everything no good comes of money that one doesn't work for i'm sure you've worked enough for what you've won said esther travelling day and night from racecourse to racecourse standing on them racecourses in all weathers it was the coals you caught standing on them racecourses that began the mischief i worked hard enough that's true but it was not the right kind of work i can't hard you esther but i know the truth now what you always said was the truth no good comes of money that hasn't been properly earned he sipped the brandy and milk and looked at jack who was crying bitterly you mustn't cry like that jack i want you to listen to me i've still something on me mind your mother jack is the best woman that ever lived you're too young to understand how good

i didn't know how good for a long time but i found it all out in time as you will later jack when you are a man i'd hoped to see you grow up to be a man jack and your mother and i thought that you'd have a nice bit of money but the money i hoped to leave you is all gone what i feel most is that i'm leaving you and your mother as badly off as she was when i married her he heaved a deep sigh and esther said what is the good of talking of these things weakening yourself for nothing i must speak esther i should die happy if i knew how you and the boy was going to live you'll have to go out and work for him as you did before it will be like beginning it all again the tears rolled down his cheeks he buried his face in his hands and sobbed until the sobbing brought on a fit of coughing suddenly his mouth filled with blood jack went for the doctor and all remedies were tried without avail

there is one more remedy the doctor said and if that fails you must prepare for the worst but this last remedy proved successful and the hemorrhage was stopped and william was undressed and put to bed the doctor said he mustn't get up to-morrow you lie in bed to-morrow and try to get up your strength you've overdone yourself to-day she had drawn his bed into the warmest corner close by the fire and had made up for herself a sort of bed by the window where she might doze a bit for she did not expect to get much sleep she would have to be up and down many times to settle his pillows and give him milk or a little weak brandy and water night wore away the morning grew into day and about twelve o'clock he insisted on getting up she tried to persuade him but he said he could not stop in bed and there was nothing for it but to ask mrs collins to help her dress him they placed him comfortably in a chair the calf had entirely ceased and he seemed better

and on saturday night he slept better than he had done for a long while and woke up on sunday morning refreshed and apparently much stronger he had a nice bit of boiled rabbit for his dinner he didn't speak much esther fancied that he was still thinking of them when the afternoon waned about four o'clock he called jack he told him to sit in the light where he could see him and he looked at his son with such wistful eyes these farewells were very sad and esther had to turn aside to hide her tears i should a-like to have seen you a man jack don't speak like that i can't bear it said the poor boy bursting into tears perhaps you won't die yet yes jack i'm wore out i can feel he said pointing to his chest that there is nothing here to live upon

it is the punishment come upon me punishment for what father i wasn't always good to your mother jack if to please me william you'll say no more the boy ought to know it will be a lesson for him and it weighs upon my heart i don't want my boy to hear anything bad about his father and i forbid him to listen the conversation paused and soon after william said that his strength was going from him and that he would like to go back to bed esther helped him off with his clothes and together she and jack lifted him into bed he sat up looking at them with wistful dying eyes it is hard to part from you he said if chosuble had one we would have all gone to egypt i could have lived out there you must speak of them things no more we all must obey god's will esther dropped on her knees she drew jack down beside her and william asked jack to read something from the bible

jack read where he first opened the book and when he had finished william said that he liked to listen jack's voice sounded to him like heaven about eight o'clock william bade his son good-night good night my boy perhaps we sha'n't see each other again this may be my last night i won't leave you father no my boy go to your bed i feel i'd like to be alone with mother the voice sank almost to whisper you remember what you promised me about raisin be good to your mother she's the best mother a son ever had i'll work for mother father i'll work for her you're too young my son but when you're older i ope you'll work for her she worked for you good-bye my boy the dying man sweeted profusely and esther wiped his face from time to time mrs collins came in she had a large tin candlestick in her hand in which there was a fragment of candle-end

he motioned to her to put it aside she put it on the table out of the way of his eyes you'll help esther to lay me out i don't want any one else i don't like the other woman esther and me will lay you out make your mind easy none but we two shall touch you once more esther wiped his forehead and he signed to her how he wished the bedcloths to be arranged for he could no longer speak mrs collins whispered to esther that she did not think that the end could be far off and compelled by a morbid sort of curiosity she took a chair and sat down esther wiped away the little drops of sweet as they came upon his forehead his chest and throat had to be wiped also for they too were full of sweat his eyes were fixed on the darkness and he moved his hand restlessly and esther always understood what he wanted she gave him a little brandy and water and when he could not take it from the glass she gave it to him with a spoon the silence grew more solemn and the clock on the mantelpiece striking ten sharp strokes did not interrupt it

and then as esther turned from the bedside for the brandy mrs collins's candle spluttered and went out a little thread of smoke evaporated leaving only a morsel of blackened wick the flame had disappeared for ever gone as if it had never been and esther saw darkness where there had been a light then she heard mrs collins say i think it's all over dear the profile on the pillow seemed very little hold up his head so that if there is any breath it may come on the glass is he dead all right enough you see dear there is not a trace of breath on the glass i'd like to say a prayer will you say a prayer with me yes i feel as if i should like to myself it eases the hat wonderful chapter forty four read by lars