Chapter 18
Section 18 of Jinx's Baby, His Birth and Other Misfortunes by Edward Jenkins. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Part 2, Chapter 10. The Force and a Specimen of Its Weakness Jinx's baby had been discovered by a policeman swaddled in a penny paper,
distressingly familiar to metropolitan travelers by rail. To omit the details of his treatment at the hands of that great institution, the force, would be invidious. The member thereof who fell in with him was walking a back street, sighting doors with his bullseye. He was provided with massive boots so that a thief could hear him coming a hundred yards off. He was personally tall and unwieldy, and a dexterous commissioner
had invented a dress designed to enhance these qualities. A heavy coat, a cart-horse belt, and a round cape. He had been carefully drilled not to walk more than three miles an hour. He was not a little startled when the rays of his lamp fell upon a struggling newspaper, out of which, as from a shell, came mysterious cries. He took up a corner of the paper and peeped in upon the face of Jinx's baby. Then he occupied a quarter of an hour in embarrassing
reflections. A nearly naked child, crying in the cold, ought to be housed as soon as possible, but X-9-9 was on his beat, and those magic words chained him to certain limits. This, of course, was the rule under a former commissioner, and everyone knows that such absurd strategy has been abolished in the existing regime. At that time, however, each watchman had his beat, to leave which was neglect of duty, except with a prisoner, and then it was neglect
of all the householders within the magic compass. Had X-99 heard the baby crying across the street, which was part of the beat of X-101, he would have passed on with a cheery heart, for the case would have been beyond his jurisdiction. Unhappily, the baby was on his beat, and he was delivered from the temptation of transferring it to the other by the appearance of X-101's bullseye not far off.
What was he to do? The station was a mile away. The inspector would not arrive for an hour and it would be awkward, if not indignified, to carry on his rounds a shouting baby wrapped in the largest daily paper.
If he left it where it was and it perished, he might be charged with murder. He was at his wit's end. But, having got there, he resolved on the simplest process, namely to carry it to the station. No provision was made by the regulations of the force to protect a beet casually deserted, even for a proper purpose.
Hence, while X-99 was absent on his errand of mercy, the valuable shop of Messieurs' trinket and blouse, ecclesiastical tailors, was broken into, and several stoles, chasubles, altar claws, and other decorative tapestries were appropriated to profane uses. At the station, the baby was disposed of according to rule. Due entry was first made in the night book by the superintendent of all the particulars of his discovery.
Some cold milk was then procured and poured down the child's throat. Afterwards, wrapped in a constable's cape, he was placed in a cell, where, when the door was locked, he could not disturb the guardians of the peace. The same night, in the next cell, an innocent gentleman, seized with an apoplexy in the street, but entered in the charge sheet as drunk and incapable, died like a dog.
End of Section 18
