menu_book Chapter 20

BOOK THREE CHAPTER THREE PART II. Being now reduced to a state of solitude which I did not like, I became a great frequenter of the playhouses, which indeed was always my favorite diversion, and most evenings passed away two or three hours behind the scenes, where I met with several poets, with whom I made engagements at the taverns. Some of the players were likewise of our parties. At these meetings

we were generally entertained by the poets with reading their performances, and by the players with repeating their parts, upon which occasions I observed the gentleman who furnished our entertainment was commonly the best pleased of the company, who, though they were pretty civil to him to his face, seldom failed to take the first opportunity of his absence to ridicule him. Now I made some remarks which probably are too obvious to be worth relating.

sir says adams your remarks if you please first then says he i concluded that the general observation that wits are most inclined to vanity is not true men are equally vain of riches strength beauty honours c but these appear of themselves to the eyes of the beholders whereas the poor wit is obliged to produce his performance to show you his perfection and on his readiness to do this that vulgar opinion i have before mentioned is grounded but doth not the person who expends vast sums in the furniture of his house or the ornaments of his person who consumes much time and employs great pains in dressing himself or who thinks himself paid for self-denial labor or even villainy by a title or a ribbon sacrifice as much to vanity as the poor wit who is desirous to read you his poem or his play

my second remark was that vanity is the worst of passions and more apt to contaminate the mind than any other for as selfishness is much more general than we please to allow it so it is natural to hate and envy those who stand between us and the good we desire now in lust and ambition these are few and even in avarice we may find many who are no obstacles to our pursuits but the vain man seeks pre-eminence and everything which is excellent or praiseworthy in another renders him the mark of his antipathy adams now began to fumble in his pockets and soon cried out oh la i have it not about me upon this the gentleman asking him what he was searching for he said he searched after a sermon which he thought his masterpiece against vanity fie upon it fie upon it cries he why do i ever leave that sermon out of my pocket

i wish it was within five miles i would willingly fetch it to read it you the gentleman answered that there was no need for he was cured of the passion and for that very reason quoth adams i would read it for i am confident you would admire it indeed i have never been a greater enemy to any passion than that silly one of vanity the gentleman smiled and proceeded from this society i easily passed to that of the gamesters where nothing remarkable happened but the finishing of my fortune which those gentlemen soon helped me to the end of this open scenes of life hitherto unknown poverty and distress with their horrid train of duns attorneys bailiffs haunted me day and night my clothes grew shabby my credit bad my friends and acquaintance of all kinds cold in this situation the strangest thought imaginable came into my head

and what was this but to write a play for i had sufficient leisure fear of bailiffs confined me every day to my room and having always had a little inclination and something of a genius that way i set myself to work and within a few months produced a piece of five acts which was accepted of at the theatre I remembered to have formerly taken tickets of other poets for their benefits long before the appearance of their performances, and, resolving to follow a precedent which was so well suited to my present circumstances, I immediately provided myself with a large number of little papers.

happy indeed would be the state of poetry would these tickets pass current at the bakehouse the alehouse and the chandler's shop but alas far otherwise no tailor will take them in payment for buckram canvas stay-tape nor no bailiff for civility money They are, indeed, no more than a passport to beg with, a certificate that the owner wants five shillings, which induces well-disposed Christians to charity. I now experienced what is worse than poverty, or rather what is the worst consequence of poverty. I mean attendance and dependence on the great. Many a morning have I waited hours in the cold parlours of men of quality, where, after seeing the lowest rascals in lace and embroidery, the pimps and buffoons in fashion,

admitted I have been sometimes told, on sending in my name, that my lord could not possibly see me this morning a sufficient assurance that I should never more get entrance into that house. Sometimes I have been at last admitted, and the great man hath thought proper to excuse himself by telling me he was tied up. Tied up, says Adams. Pray, what's that? Sir, says the gentleman, the profit which booksellers allowed authors for the best works was so very small, that certain

men of birth and fortune, some years ago, who were the patrons of wit and learning, thought fit to encourage them farther by entering into voluntary subscriptions for their encouragement. Thus, Prior, Rowe, Pope, and some other men of genius received large sums for their labours from the public. This seemed so easy a method of getting money, that many of the lowest scribblers of the times, ventured to publish their works in the same way, and many had the assurance to take in

subscriptions for what was not writ, nor ever intended. Subscriptions in this manner, growing infinite, and a kind of tax on the public, some persons finding it not so easy a task to discern good from bad authors, or to know what genius was worthy encouragement, and what was not, to prevent the expense of subscribing to so many, invented a method to excuse themselves from all subscriptions whatever, and this was to receive a small sum of money in consideration

of giving a large one if ever they subscribed, which many have done, and many more have pretended to have done in order to silence all solicitation. The same method was likewise taken with playhouse tickets, which were no less a public grievance, and this is what they called being tied up from subscribing. I can't say, but the term is apt enough, and somewhat typical, said Adams, for a man of large fortune, who ties himself up, as you call it,

from the encouragement of men of merit, ought to be tied up in reality. well sir says the gentleman to return to my story sometimes i have received a guinea from a man of quality given with as ill a grace as alms are generally to the meanest beggar and purchased too with as much time spent in attendance as if it had been spent in honest industry might have brought me more profit with infinitely more satisfaction after about two months spent in this disagreeable way with the utmost mortification when i was pluming my hopes on the prospect of a plentiful harvest from my play upon applying to the prompter to know when it came into rehearsal he informed me he had received orders from the managers to return me the play again for that they could not possibly act it that season

but if i would take it and revise it against the next they would be glad to see it again i snatched it from him with great indignation and retired to my room where i threw myself on the bed in a fit of despair you should rather have thrown yourself on your knees says adams for despair is sinful as soon continued the gentleman as i had indulged the first tumult of my passion i began to consider coolly what course i should take in a situation without friends money credit or reputation of any kind after revolving many things in my mind i could see no other possibility of furnishing myself with the miserable necessaries of life than to retire to a garret near the temple and commence hackney-rider to the lawyers for which i was well qualified being an excellent penman this purpose i resolved on and immediately put it in execution

i had an acquaintance with an attorney who had formerly transacted affairs for me and to him i applied but instead of furnishing me with any business he laughed at my undertaking and told me he was afraid i should turn his deeds into plays and he should expect to see them on the stage not to tire you with instances of this kind from others i found that plato himself did not hold poets in greater abhorrence than these men of business do whenever i durst venture to a coffee-house which was on sundays only a whisper ran round the room which was constantly attended with a sneer that's poet wilson for i know not whether you have observed it but there is a malignity in the nature of man which when not weeded out or at least covered by a good education and politeness

delights in making another uneasy or dissatisfied with himself this abundantly appears in all assemblies except those which are filled by people of fashion and especially among the younger people of both sexes whose birth and fortunes place them just without the polite circles i mean the lower class of the gentry and the higher of the mercantile world who are in reality the worst bred part of mankind well sir whilst i continued in this miserable state with scarce sufficient business to keep me from starving the reputation of a poet being my bane i accidentally became acquainted with a bookseller who told me it was a pity a man of my learning and genius should be obliged to such a method of getting his livelihood

that he had a compassion for me and if i would engage with him he would undertake to provide handsomely for me a man in my circumstances as he very well knew had no choice i accordingly accepted his proposal with his conditions which were none of the most favourable and fell to translating with all my might i had no longer reason to lament the want of business for he furnished me with so much that in half a year i almost writ myself blind i likewise contracted a distemper by my sedentary life in which no part of my body was exercised but my right arm which rendered me incapable of writing for a long time this unluckily happening to delay the publication of a work and my last performance not having sold well the bookseller declined any further engagement and aspersed me to his brethren as a careless idle fellow

i had however by having half worked and half starved myself to death during the time i was in his service saved a few guineas with which i bought a lottery ticket resolving to throw myself into fortune's lap and try if she would make me amends for the injuries she had done me at the gaming-table this purchase being made left me almost penniless when as if i had not been sufficiently miserable a bailiff in woman's clothes got admittance to my chamber whither he was directed by the bookseller he arrested me at my tailor's suit for thirty-five pounds a sum for which i could not procure bail and was therefore conveyed to his house where i was locked up in an upper chamber i had now neither health for i was scarce recovered from my indisposition liberty money or friends and had abandoned all hopes and even the desire of life

but this could not last long said adams for doubtless the tailor released you the moment he was truly acquainted with your affairs and knew that your circumstances would not permit you to pay him Oh, sir, answered the gentleman, he knew that before he arrested me. Nay, he knew that nothing but incapacity could prevent me paying my debts, for I had been his customer many years, had spent vast sums of money with him, and had always paid most punctually in my prosperous days.

but when I reminded him of this, with assurances that if he would not molest my endeavors, I would pay him all the money I could, by my utmost labor and industry per cure, reserving only what was sufficient to preserve me alive, he answered, his patience was worn out, that I had put him off from time to time, that he wanted the money, that he had put it into a lawyer's hands and if i did not pay him immediately or find security i must die in jail and expect no mercy

he may expect mercy cries adams starting from his chair where he will find none how can such a wretch repeat the lord's prayer where the word which is translated i know not for what reason trespasses is in the original debts and as surely as we do not forgive others their debts when they are unable to pay them so surely shall we ourselves be unforgiven when we are in no condition of paying he ceased and the gentleman proceeded while i was in this deplorable situation a former acquaintance to whom i had communicated my lottery ticket found me out and making me a visit with great delight in his countenance shook me heartily by the hand and wished me joy of my good fortune for says he your ticket is come up a prize of three thousand pounds adams snapped his fingers at these words in an ecstasy of joy which however did not continue long for the gentleman thus proceeded alas sir this was only a trick of fortune to sink me the deeper

for i had disposed of this lottery ticket two days before to a relation who refused lending me a shilling without it in order to procure myself bread as soon as my friend was acquainted with my unfortunate sale he began to revile me and remind me of all the ill-conduct and miscarriages of my life he said i was one whom fortune could not save if she would that i was now ruined without any hopes of retrieval nor must expect any pity from my friends that it would be extreme weakness to compassionate the misfortunes of a man who ran headlong to his own destruction he then painted to me in as lively colors as he was able the happiness i should have now enjoyed had i not foolishly disposed of my ticket i urged the plea of necessity but he made no answer to that and began again to revile me till i could bear it no longer and desired him to finish his visit

i soon exchanged the bailiff's house for a prison where as i had not money sufficient to procure me a separate apartment i was crowded in with a great number of miserable wretches in common with whom i was destitute of every convenience of life even that which all the brutes enjoy wholesome air in these dreadful circumstances i applied by letter to several of my old acquaintance and such to whom i had formerly lent money without any great prospect of its being returned for their assistance but in vain an excuse instead of a denial was the gentlest answer i received whilst i languished in a condition too horrible to be described and which in a land of humanity in what is much more christianity seems a strange punishment for a little in advertency and indiscretion

whilst i was in this condition a fellow came into the prison and inquiring me out delivered me the following letter sir my father to whom you sold your ticket in the last lottery died the same day in which it came up a prize as you have possibly heard and left me sole heiress of all his fortune i am so much touched with your present circumstances and the uneasiness you must feel at having been driven to dispose of what might have made you happy that i must desire your acceptance of the enclosed and am your humble servant harriet hearty and what do you think was enclosed i don't know cried adams not less than a guinea i hope sir it was a bank-note for two hundred pounds two hundred pounds says adams in a rapture

no less i assure you answered the gentleman a sum i was not half so delighted with as with the dear name of the generous girl that scented me and who was not only the best but the handsomest creature in the universe and for whom i had long had a passion which i never durst disclose to her i kissed her name a thousand times my eyes overflowing with tenderness and gratitude i repeated but not to detain you with these raptures i immediately acquired my liberty and having paid all my debts departed with upwards of fifty pounds in my pocket to thank my kind deliverer she happened to be then out of town a circumstance which upon reflection pleased me for by that means i had an opportunity to appear before her in a more decent dress

at her return to town within a day or two i threw myself at her feet with the most ardent acknowledgments which she rejected with an unfeigned greatness of mind and told me i could not oblige her more than by never mentioning or if possible thinking on a circumstance which must bring to my mind an accident that might be grievous to me to think on she proceeded thus what i have done is in my own eyes a trifle and perhaps infinitely less than would have become me to do and if you think of engaging in any business where a larger sum may be serviceable to you i shall not be over rigid either as to the security or interest i endeavoured to express all the gratitude in my power to this profusion of goodness though perhaps it was my enemy and began to afflict my mind with more agonies than all the miseries i had underwent it affected me with severer reflections than poverty distress and prisons united

had been able to make me feel for sir these acts and professions of kindness which were sufficient to have raised in a good heart the most violent passion of friendship to one of the same or to age and ugliness in a different sex came to me from a woman a young and beautiful woman one whose perfections i had long known and for whom i had long conceived a violent passion though with a despair which made me endeavour rather to curb and conceal than to nourish or acquaint her with it in short they came upon me united with beauty softness and tenderness such bewitching smiles oh mr adams in that moment i lost myself and forgetting our different situations nor considering what return i was making to her goodness by desiring her who had given me so much to bestow her all

i laid gently hold on her hand and conveying it to my lips i pressed it with inconceivable ardour then lifting up my swimming eyes i saw her face and neck overspread with one blush she offered to withdraw her hand yet not so as to deliver it from mine though i held it with the gentlest force we both stood trembling her eyes cast on the ground and mine steadfastly fixed on her good g d what was then the condition of my soul burning with love desire admiration gratitude and every tender passion all bent on one charming object passion at last got the better of both reason and respect and softly letting go her hand

i offered madly to clasp her in my arms when a little recovering herself she started from me asking me with some show of anger if she had any reason to expect this treatment from me i then fell prostrate before her and told her if i had offended my life was absolutely in her power which i would in any manner lose for her sake nay madam said i you shall not be so ready to punish me as i to suffer i own my guilt i detest the reflection that i would have sacrificed your happiness to mine believe me i sincerely repent my ingratitude yet believe me too it was my passion my unbounded passion for you which hurried me so far i have loved you long and tenderly and the goodness you have shown me hath innocently weighed down a wretch undone before

acquit me of all mean mercenary views and before i take my leave of you for ever which i am resolved instantly to do believe me that fortune could have raised me to no height to which i could not have gladly lifted you oh cursed be fortune do not says she interrupting me with the sweetest voice do not curse fortune since she hath made me happy and if she hath put your happiness in my power i have told you you shall ask nothing in reason which i will refuse madam said i you mistake me if you imagine as you seem my happiness is in the power of fortune now you have obliged me too much already if i have any wish it is for some blessed accident by which i may contribute with my life to the least augmentation of your felicity

as for myself the only happiness i can ever have will be hearing of yours and if fortune will make that complete i will forgive her all her wrongs to me you may indeed answered she smiling for your own happiness must be included in mine i have long known your worth nay i must confess said she blushing i have long discovered that passion for me you profess notwithstanding those endeavours which i am convinced were unaffected to conceal it and if all i can give with reason will not suffice take reason away and now i believe you cannot ask me what i will deny she uttered these words with a sweetness not to be imagined i immediately started my blood which lay freezing at my heart rushed tumultuously through every vein

i stood for a moment silent then flying to her i caught her in my arms no longer resisting and softly told her she must give me then herself oh sir can i describe her look she remained silent and almost motionless several minutes at last recovering herself a little she insisted on my leaving her and in such a manner that i instantly obeyed you may imagine however i soon saw her again but i ask pardon i fear i have detained you too long in relating the particulars of the former interview so far otherwise said adams licking his lips that i could willingly hear it over again well sir continued the gentleman to be as concise as possible

within a week she consented to make me the happiest of mankind we were married shortly after and when i came to examine the circumstances of my wife's fortune which i do assure you i was not presently at leisure enough to do i found it amounted to about six thousand pounds most part of which lay in effects for her father had been a wine merchant and she seemed willing if i liked it that i should carry on the same trade i readily and too inconsiderately undertook it for not having been bred up to the secrets of the business and endeavouring to deal with the utmost honesty and uprightness i soon found our fortune in a declining way and my trade decreasing by little and little for my wines, which I never adulterated after their importation, and were sold as neat as they

came over, were universally decried by the vintners, to whom I could not allow them quite as cheap as those who gained double the profit by a less price. I soon began to despair of improving our fortune by these means, nor was I at all easy at the visits and familiarity of many who had been my acquaintance in my prosperity, but had denied and shunned me in my adversity, and now very forwardly renewed their acquaintance with me. In short, I had sufficiently seen that the pleasures

of the world are chiefly folly, and the business of it mostly knavery, and both nothing better than vanity, the men of pleasure tearing one another to pieces from the emulation of spending money, and the men of business from envy in getting it. My happiness consisted entirely in my wife, whom I loved with an inexpressible fondness, which was perfectly returned. And my prospects were no other than to provide for our growing family, for she was now big of

her second child. I therefore took an opportunity to ask her opinion of entering into a retired life, which, after hearing my reasons, and perceiving my affection for it, she readily embraced. We soon put our small fortune, now reduced under three thousand pounds, into money, with part of which we purchased this little place, whither we retired soon, after her delivery, from a world full of bustle, noise, hatred, envy, and ingratitude, to ease, quiet, and love.

We have here lived almost twenty years, with little other conversation than our own, most of the neighbourhood taking us for very strange people, the squire of the parish, representing me as a madman, and the parson as a Presbyterian, because I will not hunt with the one, nor drink with the other. Sir, says Adams, fortune hath, I think, paid you all her debts in this sweet retirement. Sir, replied the gentleman, I am thankful to the great author

of all things for the blessings I here enjoy. I have the best of wives, and three pretty children, for whom I have the true tenderness of a parent. But no blessings are pure in this world. Within three years of my arrival here, I lost my eldest son. Here he sighed bitterly. sir says adams we must submit to providence and consider death as common to all we must submit indeed answered the gentleman and if he had died i could have borne the loss with patience but alas sir he was stolen away from my door by some wicked travelling people whom they called gipsies nor could i ever with the most diligent search recover him

Poor child! He had the sweetest look, the exact picture of his mother, at which some tears unwittingly dropped from his eyes, as did likewise from those of Adams, who always sympathized with his friends on those occasions. Thus, sir, said the gentleman, I have finished my story, in which, if I have been too particular, I ask your pardon. And now, if you please, I will fetch you another bottle, which proposal the parson thankfully accepted.