Chapter 32
a little masterpieces of american wit and humor vol i edited by thomas lansing masson section thirty two little britches by john hay i don't go much on religion i never ain't had no show but i've got a middle and tight grip sir on the handful of things i know i don't pan out on the prophets and free will and that sort of thing but i believe in god and the angels ever since one night last spring i come into town with some turnips and my little gabe come along no four-year-old in the country could beat him for pretty and strong pert and chipper and sassy always ready to swear and fight and i learnt him to chaw tobacco just to keep his milk teeth white the snow come down like a blanket as i passed by taggart's store i went in for a jug of molasses and left the team at the door they scared at something and started i heard one little squall and held a split over the prairie went team little breeches and all held a split over the prairie i was almost froze with skeer but we rousted up some torches and searched for em far and near at last we struck horses and wagon snowed under a soft white mound up saw it dead beat but of little gave nor hide nor hair was found
and here all hope soured on me of my fellow critters aid i just flopped down on my marrow bones crotch deep in the snow and prayed by this the torches was played out and me and israel par went off for some wood to a sheepfold that he said was somewhar there we found it at last and a little shed where they shut up the lambs at night we looked in and seen them huddled there so warm and sleepy and white and there sot little britches and chirped as pert as ever you see i want a char of tebecker and that's what's the matter of me how did he get there angels he could never have walked in that storm they just scooped down and toted him to where it was safe and warm and i think that saving a little child and bringing him to his own is a darn sight better business than loafing around the throne artemus ward when in london gave a children's party one of john bright's sons was invited and returned home radiant oh papa he explained on being asked whether he had enjoyed himself indeed i did and mr brown gave me such a nice name for you papa
what was that why he asked me how that gay and festive cuss the governor was replied the boy it was on a train going through indiana among the passengers were a newly married couple who made themselves known to such an extent that the occupants of the car commenced passing sarcastic remarks about them the bride and groom stood the remarks for some time but finally the latter who was a man of tremendous size broke out in the following language at his tormentors yes we're married just married we are going a hundred and sixty miles farther and i am going to spoon all the way if you don't like it you can get out and walk she's my violet and i'm her sheltering oak during the remainder of the journey they were left in peace the book of little breeches by john hay
