menu_book Chapter 8

CHAPTER VIII. MUTTERINGS OF THE COMING STORM. Very soon after this we were notified that the Apostle Snow was on his way to Switzerland, and that we might shortly expect him. This to me was joyful news, for he had relieved me of my trouble once before, and I almost looked upon him as my good angel. He came and remained with us a few days, and before he left he instructed Mr. Stenhouse to repair

to England to raise funds to aid the mission. He also gave me a few pounds to procure what I needed for an event which I expected shortly to take place. This kindness on his part brought to my mind such a sense of relief and renewed my energy so that I felt ready for my missionary labors again. When my second child was about two months old I went to Lausanne to reside while my husband was absent in England. Apartments were engaged for me at the house of a gentleman

who had recently been baptized. I was made very comfortable there, and for the first time since my husband was sent on a mission I experienced a feeling of repose, so that I now had some hopes of regaining mental and physical strength. No provision had been made by the Saints for my support, but even without that I thought living among those who were themselves happy and one with us in the faith, I should myself find more tranquility of mind.

Madame and Monsieur Bailiff in whose house I resided were persons of good social position. The husband was one of nature's gentlemen and as good a man as I ever knew. He received the Mormonism taught by Mr. Stenhouse with all his heart and never seemed wary of showing his gratitude by his good deeds. Madame Bailiff did not at once join the Church and probably never would have done so but for the love she bore to her husband. She was not however

hostile to the new faith as some other wives were and she did all that she could to render pleasant my stay with them and tried to make me forget what I had suffered in Geneva. Madame Bailiff was a high-spirited, impulsive woman and devotedly attached to her husband. I never saw a woman more so. She impressed me as being one of the happiest of wives, he one of the best of husbands. After I had lived in the house a few weeks she was baptized but she

never was satisfied with Mormonism. Poor dear lady, how often I have bitterly regretted that I was instrumental in leading her into the Mormon Church in which as years later in Utah she told me she endured such cruel humiliation and martyrdom. I knew well indeed then what all that meant. While I lived with them it was agreed that I should pay for my apartments monthly but after I had paid for the first month Monsieur Bailiff told me that

I should do so no more and knowing that he meant it as an expression of kindness and gratitude on his part I felt relieved of all anxiety on that account. All that I had even then for the support of myself and my two little ones was about five francs or a dollar a week but my wants were few for I had taught myself to require nothing but was absolutely necessary to keep me alive. During Mr. Stenhouse's absence the meetings were held in my parlor

and as the brethren who had joined the church had not previously been religious men though they were persons of the best moral character they were very diffident about conducting the meetings and for a time could not think of praying before others. It devolved upon me of sheer necessity for I disliked prominence as much as they did to lead the singing to pray to preach in fact to do everything. Had I not done so they would have sat looking

at each other for they were all too timid to speak. I encouraged them in every way to try and finally we got along very well. A good spirit prevailed and we were like a little band of brothers and sisters. The only person now who gave me any anxiety was Madame Bélif who was very weak in the faith. Her doubts and fears troubled me much for I had conceived a very great regard for her. I feared that with a heart so proud and rebellious as hers

she would never get salvation and I trembled for her happiness. How slight a hold the new faith had taken of her mind I was forcibly reminded by an incident which was at the time a great trial to me. My little daughter fell sick of intermittent fever and I dared not call in a physician. It would not do for me, a missionary's wife, to show lack of faith. Such was our zeal in those days. But now as I once before stated even the most orthodox

Mormons including Brigham Young do not think of relying upon God and the ordinances of the church as they used to in former years but call in the best physician they can get. I was much troubled about my little girl for she was evidently failing fast. She had been administered to by one of the native elders who had anointed her with oil and prayed over her, but yet she did not get better. Madame Bélif in the midst of my affliction taunted

me about the child not recovering and asked where was the power of God of which I had talked so much. Now she said if you could get that child healed it would be some proof to my mind that the power you speak of is still in the church. I felt ashamed that I had not exercised more faith. I was certain that the gift of healing was in the church and I believed it was my own fault that the child was not even now well. In my zeal I

replied rather warmly, my child will be healed and you shall see it. But I had no sooner uttered these words than I began to fear I had promised too much. I was determined however that nothing on my part should be left undone. I sent for Governor Studeman, our new convert, as he was the president of the branch and an elder. I told him that this child must be healed by the power of God. We had not witnessed any manifestation of the healing

power among the saints in Switzerland up to that time and I earnestly desired that now for the first time this gift might be proved among us for the sake of the church as well as for my own. So I told the governor that it was his duty as well as mine to fast and pray that it might be a testimony that it was his work and that we were his servants. He became as enthusiastic as I was myself and we fasted and prayed for nearly two days. At the end of that time he came to see me

and by the bedside we knelt and prayed and he laid his hands upon the child and blessed her in the name of the Lord. That night the child was very low and though I strove to show my faith, I dreaded that she would have her usual attack of fever about midnight. After the departure of the elder, Madame Bélif came into the room and said, Your child is very ill. If your God cannot help her why do you not send for a physician? This appeared to me so profane and such an insult to my God and

my faith that I replied indignantly, Madame she will and shall be healed this very night for I know that power is in the church. The reason why the child was not healed before is because I have not been earnest enough in seeking the Lord. When I was left alone I sat down by the bedside trembling lest I had been too rash in declaring that the child would be healed that same night. Much and fondly as I loved my little treasure I confess that I suffered more at the thought of God's name

suffering reproach than I did from fear of my darling's death and I tried earnestly to banish my doubts with the remembrance that all things are possible to them that believe. Kneeling there in the dark and lonesome midnight I poured out my soul fervently to God, beseeching him for his kingdom's sake and for the glory of his great name to answer and not to suffer my unworthiness to stand in the way. I watched hour after hour beside my darling's bed and the child

slept on peacefully without any symptoms of returning fever. And oh how anxiously I waited for her awakening. At last worn out with fatigue and watching I laid myself down on the bed beside her and soon fell asleep. And when I awoke it was daylight and my little one was peacefully sleeping on still. The fever had left her. No tongue could tell the gratitude which filled my heart. I could only weep tears of joy and sing aloud my praise to God. Madame Bélève entered the room early in

the morning to see what kind of a night we had passed. Then I drew her to the bedside and told her how tranquilly the child had slept all night and showed her how much better she looked and asked if she did not see in all this the providence of God. But she simply said, ah well I suppose the disease had run its course. This grieved me for I had trusted that such a direct answer to my prayers would have helped to increase her faith in our religion. But Mormonism had not touched her heart

and I believe it is much more the devotion of the heart than it is the mental acquiescence in doctrine which gives us the power to hope and endure and believe. When by and by my little Clara awoke she was evidently very much better and not only free from the fever but bright and cheerful like her former self and she never relapsed. In the course of a week she was running about as well as ever and the Saints were greatly confirmed in their faith. One morning not long

after this Madame Bélève brought me a letter which as it bore the English postmark she supposed came from my husband. The writing however was strange to me and dreading that some terrible thing might have happened I tore it open. There at the bottom of the last page, for the letter was very long, in neat clear characters was the signature of my fairy friend as I called her, Mary Burton. I read the letter through with the deepest interest. It was addressed to darling

Sister Stenhouse and was overflowing with affection. Used as I was to all her endearing ways I could almost fancy that while I read I heard her speaking the words. After a great outpouring of love she said, Since you left Southampton we have had many changes. We remained there until nearly all our old friends had left us and emigrated to Zion. And although my father could not possibly go at that time and I was much too young to travel alone the president actually scolded me for not

being willing to emigrate with the others. When I told him that I was too young to act for myself he said a good deal about Elder Shrewsbury. I do not know whether you will remember Elder Shrewsbury but I will try to bring him to your mind. Do you not remember a gentleman who came several times to the meeting with me and who was at the picnic just before you left England? He was very young with dark hair and beautiful dark eyes to match. He came with Papa first to the meeting and then he

contrived to make friends with me. And I used to see him very often and he paid me much attention. I suppose I ought to tell you all that I think about him and how we have had such pleasant times together. And so I would too if you were here so that I might be kissed first as you used to do. But it seems so formal to write such things on paper. I'm afraid almost that he might see. No, I never told him yet that I cared for him a bit and I am not sure myself whether I do. I think

he's very nice but I know he's a good Mormon and if I thought there was any truth in those things which we used to talk about I'd die before I'd marry him or go to Salt Lake either. I remember you talked to him on the day of the picnic and I thought you seemed to like him. In fact you could not help doing so for he is so clever and so intellectual. That was a happy time we had then. The brethren and sisters all seemed to have cast dull care to the winds and to have given

themselves up to full and free enjoyment with the exception of one solitary pair of married lovers. You know who I mean but now you are again united I suppose and of course happy. I told the president that I had not the spirit of gathering and that if my father agreed I would perhaps go next season but Entree knew I did not tell him that I had another reason besides. What would you think dear if I were to go out as a bride? But I am very naughty I suppose to

think of such a thing. Since you went I have grown quite an old woman. You used to call me Little Fairy but Sister Stenhouse I am much bigger now. I am now a good deal over 15 and people say that I'm getting to be quite a woman. I might tell you some other pretty things that are said about me but I'm afraid you'd say it was all vanity of vanities. If you stay away much longer you won't recognize me when we meet again. And now I want to tell you something that interests

you as much as me. I have not been able to discover anything more with certainty about those hateful things of which I told you although the word polygamy seems to become every day much more familiar in people's conversation. Elder Shrewsbury tells me that there is not a word of truth in it and he has had a good deal of conversation upon that subject with the Apostles who are here and also with a man named Curtis E. Bolton an elder from the Salt Lake and they all positively declare

that it is a foul slander upon the Saints of the Most High. So you see that all our unhappiness was for naught. Our Savior said we should be blessed when all men spoke evil of us falsely for his namesake and the wicked scandal which has been raised against our religion has had a tendency to strengthen my faith which you know was rather wavering. And yet do you know Sister Stenhouse that even while I am writing to you in this strain I am weak enough to allow doubts and fears to

creep into my heart when I think of the conduct of some of the American brethren. They appear to me for married men to act so very imprudently and to call their conduct imprudent is really treating it with the greatest leniency for I have often been quite shocked at the way in which some of the brethren and sisters acted. But I will tell you a little about it and you shall judge for yourself. When I found out as I had long suspected that dear Papa was going to marry again I at once

resolved that I would no longer be a burden to him but would find some employment and support myself. I was induced to do this partly because as you know stepmothers and daughters do not always love each other quite as much as they might. So I communicated my wishes to Papa and told him that I had been introduced to a very nice lady who has a large dressmaking establishment at the west end of London. She is a member of the church and has always been very highly spoken of. I told him that

she employed a number of highly respectable young girls and that four at least of them were members of the church and that in consideration of my lonely situation and at the earnest request of Elder Shrewsbury she was willing to take me into her house to board and lodge me and teach me the business thoroughly if my father would pay her a premium of 50 pounds. This Papa readily agreed to do as I expected he would for he is so taken up with my stepmama that is to be and besides which

he has I know been unfortunate lately in some railway speculations and has lost a great deal of money and therefore wishes to economize. In this way I went to London and became a member of Mrs. Elsworth's family and here I am still. Now you have been in London Sister Stenhouse and must remember the office in Jewin Street, the headquarters where all the elders congregate and where the American elders board and church business is managed. Well the very first week I was at Mrs. Elsworth's

I noticed that the four young sisters who were working there were constantly talking of Jewin Street and the dear American brethren who were stopping there. One of them in particular was always talking about dear elder Snow and another girl whispered to me that she went to Jewin Street every evening and frequently remained there to tea with him and afterwards to the theater with him or to a meeting as the case might be and the young lady added she does make such a fuss over him

toying with him and brushing and combing his hair. I know that she does it for I have been there with her and have seen her do it and he appears to enjoy it quite as much as she does and I believe if polygamy was true he would marry her but I said it is not true and therefore it is very wrong for her to act in that way for he is a married man. Oh but you know she answered that we are all brothers and sisters and the brethren tell us that those little attentions make them feel that they

are not so far from home and they are thus enabled to perform their mission better and if that is so it is the duty of the young sisters to encourage them. These little attentions cost nothing and I'm sure it's quite a pleasure to me. Then you go to Jewin Street I asked. Yes she said sometimes but not very often for my elder calls here frequently as he is acquainted with Mrs Ellsworth and then I take my work up into the parlor sometimes and have a long talk with him.

Mrs Ellsworth does not like it I know but she does not care to oppose the elders in fact her husband will not allow any such thing he has dared her to do so after all she is very silly for we ought to love each other and be free and friendly. My elder I call him my elder you know simply because I like him better than the others calls Mrs Ellsworth gentile-ish and says she'll get over it when she goes to Zion but she says she won't she is awfully jealous of her husband

and a certain Miss Caroline somebody though she doesn't care for him but what difference can it make to him I asked her he has a wife and ought not to pay attention to other women. Ah you silly child she said it is only brotherly love after all and men often have wives who do not make them happy and that makes them seek the society of the young sisters for those who are far from home are lonely.

My own elder's wife is here in London but he isn't much with her he spends nearly all his time in Juin Street he is a traveling elder and when he is going anywhere to preach he always calls for me as he does not like going alone he is such a genial soul if polygamy were true I'd promise to marry him when we reached the valley. Then I asked why his wife didn't go with him and she said oh poor man he has no pleasure in her

society she is always moping and unhappy you know some women are naturally so I do all I can to make him feel well for it must be awful to be married to a woman who is always sad. I asked her why his wife should be so unhappy and she said he tells me that she has got it into her head that somehow or other polygamy is practiced in Zion and I'm sure I for one wish it was so for then we could marry whoever we pleased oh for shame I said I'm sure I'd never go there

if I thought so then I asked her whether she did not think it was wrong for her to encourage the attentions of her elder and she said he wishes it just as much as I do and his wife had better behave herself or I'll marry him whether polygamy exists or not in Zion and he does not know though we both suspect that there is something in the rumors which we have heard then I told her that I thought it was very wicked to encourage the visits of that man for I believe that if he paid

a little more attention to his wife she would be less unhappy for I supposed that she knew of his attentions to her she said the wife knew nothing about it that he was obliged to be out late at night preaching or at juan street which I knew meant flirting with the sisters and going to the theater and I fancy he does more of that than preaching but she seemed to think it was all the wife's fault and blamed her I asked her if she would like to be treated so if she were an elder's

wife and had to work as hard and endure as much as all the missionary's wives do but she said she could never be in such a position and told me that I was not a good mormon or I would not set myself up as the accuser of the brethren but I ask you sisters denhouse if that is the mormonism which the elders used to teach to us and now I have told you all our long talk together and so you can judge for yourself what a change has taken place since you left

that same day after dinner brother snow called in company with two other elders to see mrs elsworth and to ask her and the girls to a tea party the next day mrs elsworth declined but one young lady would go with brother snow and ms caroline went with another elder and my light hearted friend waited till her elder came also to ask her and after that came elder shrewsbury and I of course was to go with him with all my faith I am very much troubled about these things they

are not right I think why scarcely a day passes but some of those elders who appear to have very little to do call here and send for one or two of these young sisters and detain them from their work much to the annoyance of poor mrs elsworth who I believe will apostatize over it eventually see what a long letter I have written you I am afraid it will tire you I often long to have you here that I might come to you and tell you all my troubles but perhaps after all I am wrong

and ought to see things in a different light have not the elders and apostles positively denied that polygamy or any other sin was practiced in Utah or formed any part of the mormon religion and we know that these men of god would not lie to us but be sure dear to write a nice long letter to me very soon and with the fondest love remember your own mary burton I read this letter carefully through and I sat down and thought of dear mary burton and felt

deeply sorry that she should be placed in a situation surrounded by so many temptations to myself the letter brought a sad confirmation of all my fears there was something painful in the thought had polygamy been openly avowed as a mormon doctrine I should never have joined the church but now what could I do after three months absence Mr Stenhouse was to return home and I went to Geneva to meet him feeling very happy when I saw him once again numbers of persons

both in Geneva and Lausanne had been converted while he was away and were waiting for him to baptize them among them was a retired Protestant minister Monsieur Petit Pierre of whom I have something yet to mention we began at last to rejoice in our success and be thankful that the lord had answered our prayers I was now more than ever anxious about polygamy from much thinking on that subject it had become a haunting specter of my existence and I dreaded what every day might

bring forth the news which my husband brought with him by no means reassured me he told me that he reassured me he told me that he had heard in England from the American elders that there was a general expectation among the saints in Utah that at the October conference in Salt Lake City Brigham Young would publish to the world that polygamy was a doctrine of the mormon church after all the prevarications and denials then of the apostles and elders polygamy among the

saints really was a fact and as the truth became clearer to my mind I thought I should lose my senses the very foundations of my faith were shaken and not only did I feel a personal repugnance to the unholy doctrine but I began to realize that the men to whom I had listened with such profound respect and had regarded as the representatives of God had been guilty of the most deliberate and unblushing falsehood and I began to ask myself whether if they could do this in

order to carry out their purpose in one particular might they not be guilty of deception upon other points who could I trust now for 10 years the mormon prophets and apostles had been living in a polygamy at home while abroad they vehemently denied it and spoke of it as a deadly sin this was a painful awakening to me we had all of us been betrayed I lost confidence in man and even began to question within myself whether I could even trust in God there was no argument

between Mr Stenhouse and myself it would have been worse than useless for it was not his doing and he assured me that he had as great a repugnance to the doctrine as I had he had at first only hinted that it might eventually be acknowledged by the leaders of the church but it was a matter of too deeply a personal character for me to keep silence and I did not rest until he had told me all he had not seen the revelation but the information which he had received was beyond a question

and singularly enough elder Margots the London elder of whose flirtation in Southampton I have already spoken was at that time on a visit to Switzerland and confirmed all that my husband had said thus the very man who two years before first excited my suspicions now confirmed my fears and openly stated as a fact that which he then was ashamed almost to suggest elder Margots had been in utah from the time I saw him in England and was now on a mission to Italy he knew therefore

very well what was said and done among the saints in Zion I and those like me whose faith was not too strong were spoken of as babes to whom only milk must be given and in this way any deception necessary to quiet our tender consciences was allowable but elder Margots was one of the strong men to whom meat was necessary in other words they were initiated into all the mysteries of the faith my husband enjoined me not to speak of what I had heard and I had little inclination to do so

my heart was too full the pleasant dreams and hopes of life were ended now to me what could I look forward to henceforth the stern realities of a lonely and weary existence were all the future that should be mine still the revelation sanctioning a change in the doctrines and practice of the church was not yet published and until polygamy was openly avowed I felt that the doom of my happiness was not yet sealed and like many another heartbroken woman I hoped against hope

end of chapter 8