Chapters 1
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1 The Slant Book 9:56
Where Bobby lives, there is a hill, A hill so steep and high. T'would fill the bill for Jack and Jill, Their famous act to try. Once Bobby's go-cart broke away, and down this hill it kited. The careless nurse screamed in dismay, but Bobby was delighted. He clapped his hands, in manner rude, and laughed in high elation, while, close behind, the nurse pursued in hopeless consternation.
An officer slid off the lid as Bobby hove in sight, and bellowed out, "'You're scorching, kid. I'll run you in all right.' But down the go-cart swiftly sped, and smashed that cop completely, and as he sailed o'er Bobby's head, Bob snipped a button neatly.
A funny son of sunny Greece was standing near the curb, beside his pushcart, wrapped in peace, that naught could well disturb. But all at once he got a shock, the go-cart speeding down, collided with his fancy stock, and littered up the town.
The runaway then swerved a bit, and snapped a hydrant short. which accident proved quite a hit, of rather novel sort. The water spouted in a jet as much as ten feet high, and all were soaked and nearly choked, who chanced to be nearby.
A farmer's wife, Miss Angie Moore, was trudging up the grade, a basketful of eggs she bore, to barter with in trade. The go-cart and the lady met, informally, no doubt, and made a sort of omelet, and spread it round about.
A painter on his ladder perched, was working at his calling. Against its foot, the go-cart lurched, and sent the fellow sprawling. His pot of paint came tumbling down, and wrong side up, It settled about a chappie's flaxen crown. Oh, my! But he was nettled.
A German band, across the street, its way was slowly wending, which was a movement indiscreet, the way that things were tending. The go-cart struck the bass-drum square, and passed completely through it. The drummer madly tore his hair and said, "'Vy did you do it?' Some working men were putting in a heavy plate-glass front. The go-cart then came rushing in and did its little stunt. It smashed to bits a crystal pane two sweating men were bearing. And sped on down the slanting plain, and left them mad and swearing.
An automobile, big and brown, was chugging up the hill, and met the go-cart plunging down with speed that boded ill. At once there rose a noise and din of people in dismay. A sandwich-man then butted in, and opened up. A lad was rushing with a hat some lady had been buying. The go-cart caught and laid him flat, and sent the hat-box flying. The hat fell out and settled down upon our Bobby's head. "'Say, I'm the swellest kid in town,' the precious rascal said.
A newsboy next was somehow hit. The go-cart, swift and dexterous, contrived to muss him up a bit, and fill the air with extras. One copy, Bobby neatly scooped, and saw this wild display. In type so bold it fairly whooped. A go-cart breaks away.
Then, as the go-cart speeded by, a bulldog, quite pugnacious, seized on the handle on the fly, and clung with grip tenacious. The go-cart speed was so increased the dog streamed out behind it, and Bobby turned to pet the beast, which didn't seem to mind it.
Perambulating down the street was Miss Lucille O'Grady. The go-cart knocked her off her feet, and took on board the lady. "'You're fair,' said Bobbie, with a shout, one chubby hand extending. But Miss O'Grady tumbled out, with shrieks the heavens rending.
A herder up the weary grade, a yearling calf was leading. The creature was a stubborn jade. and lunged about, unheeding. The go-cart caught the rope midway between the calf and herder, and both fell in behind the shea, with cries of, Baa! and Murder!
Two chappies at a tennis-meet were battling fast and hard. The go-cart skidded off the street and shot across the yard. The game was forty all. But then it didn't end that day. The go-cart dashed into the net, and carried it away.
On came the go-cart down the grade. The town was now behind it, and ran into an orchard's shade, where Providence resigned it. But then it only grazed a tree, and set it all a shiver. The ripened fruit fell merrily. and likewise, Sammy Sliver.
Then through a watermelon patch this awful cart descended, and split the melons by the batch. The farmer was offended, and tried to stop his wild career, which was a silly notion. It passed him promptly to the rear, with quite a rapid motion.
A picnic party on the green were seated at their lunch. The go-cart dashed upon the scene and through the happy bunch. Sardines and pickles, ham and cake were jumbled in a mess. Then straightway rose these picnickers and shouted for redress.
An artist sketching on the slope, a lively air was humming. And so absorbed was he, he failed to note the go-cart coming. A crash! The circumambient air was filled with miscellany, and damaged quite beyond repair was Criminant's white Mulvaney.
A damsel milked a brindled cow out in a pasture green. The birdie sang from bush and bough, All nature was serene. When suddenly a thunder-boat dispelled this sweet illusion, the go-cart gave the twain a jolt, and all was wild confusion.
Upon a rustic bridge a chap cast out a bait inviting, and presently he took a nap, and dreamed the fish were biting. Then came the go-cart like a gale, and rudely him awakened. At first he thought he'd caught a whale, but found he was mistaken.
The longest night must have an end, as well as a beginning, and so this cart, you may depend, was bound to cease its spinning. It crashed into a hemlock stump, That chanced to block its way, and Bobby made a flying jump, and landed in the hay.
End of the Slant Book by Peter Newell Read by Dennis Sayers in Modesto, California, for LibriVox. Spring 2006