Chapters 44
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1 01 - My Own 1:27
MY OWN.
Oh, I must answer to a name. And live upon a certain street, and stairs within a dingy house must bear the burden of my feet. Still, when the night is dim and sweet, in dreams I roam the silent hills, where aisles of shadow vague with light are peddled soft with daffodils. I foot it through the silver dark. I shout aloud to field and tree. And all this gypsy heart of me is longing, longing to be free. Oh, I must answer to a name, and live upon a certain street. But who shall take my dreams from me, or keep my life from being sweet?
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2 02 - Candle 0:58
Candle.
I will light my candle before night comes on. A room is a dreary place and forlorn. I will light the tiny flame so it sputter brightly, for ghosts of lonely things trouble me nightly. I will shut my ears, lest I hear again. Wind crying in the hall, rain on the pain. I will light my candle, before night comes on. A room is a dreary place. Now love has gone.
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3 03 - To Persephone 1:06
To Persephone No more you weave, Persephone, Gowns the colors of the sea. Your ivory fingers now are still, And your grave a grassy hill. But everywhere songs are sung. They sing of you who died so young, and lads and lassies passing by. Place bergamot where you lie. No more you weave, Persephone. Gowns the colors of the sea. Emerald, chrysoprase, and blue, that looked beautiful on you. But everywhere songs are sung. They sing of you. Who died so young.
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4 04 - Window 0:48
Window. From my window I see tall trees in a row, rhododendron and phlox, spicy things that blow, all of beauty there through four little panes, clumps of columbine, wet with the rains. Through my window I see Life pass by me Colin and Christopher Rose and Charity.
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5 05 - Tokens 0:46
Tokens. In memory of this and that, I'll wear a starry hood, and set a bowl upon the stoop, and light the wood. In memory of laughter, I'll dance no more, but hide my gown and feathers behind a dark door. In memory of sorrow. I'll take them out again and put a ribbon in my hair and dance down a lane.
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6 06 - Forgotten 0:48
FORGOTTEN How can I remember autumn in pain, when trees hold dreams in their arms again? How can my heart break till it cries? The joy of summer has made me wise. I can't remember what hurt me so. Autumn and winter were so long ago.
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7 07 - Query 0:47
Query I am bound by twilight. I am chained by snow. I am held captive to the winds that blow. But the careless people laugh as they go by, blind to all the wonder of the earth and sky. Death to all the music falling over me. Is it they are captive, and that I am free?
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8 08 - Deborah Speaks 0:44
Debra Speaks. The candles I keep burning above the door, or in memory of those who pass no more. Faith and Caroline, Rose and Margaret. I light candles there, lest the heart forget. I keep candles flaming, lest, when Strepon call, I forget that they ever lived at all.
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9 09 - Lesbia Sewing 0:49
Lesbia Sewing. Stitches over and over, so the heart won't break. Thrust the needle under, for sorrow's sake. Stitches over and over, till the pattern's set. Thrust the needle under, so the heart... Forget. Stitches over and over. Needle hurry fast till the love of beauty fall for me at last.
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10 10 - Late and Soon 1:25
Late and Soon.
I am so near to grief I needs must weep, for little places fair as Camelot, for dusty inns and gardens long forgot. They haunt me ever so I cannot sleep. I am the slave of beauty late and soon, of apricots blown into silver rain, held close to tears by many a shining lane, where ghostly birds call wildly to the moon. Is there at last an ending to it all, an end of petals blown against my face? Can I not hide myself behind a wall and forget beauty for a little space? Forget all passion that I ever knew. Old beauty gone. And you, and you, and you.
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11 11 - Invocation 1:17
Invocation. I thought that beauty was forever dead, Until I saw a daffodil abloom, And two bright tulips in my garden-bed, And silver spills beyond my little room. I thought that grief would never go from me. Yet now how wonderful are all the days! I am no longer hurt by misery, but wild with joy and tremulous with praise. O God, let not too many white stars fall, nor let your bushes bloom in one small hour. I could not bear the beauty of it all. For I would pause with awe before each flower, and touch each blossom with my finger-tips, and feel the wind's first sweetness on my lips.
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12 12 - Earth Lover 1:20
EARTH LOVER.
Old loveliness has such a way with me that I am close to tears when petals fall, and needs must hide my face against the wall. When autumn trees burn red with ecstasy, For I am haunted by a hundred things, and more that I have seen in April days. I have held stars above my head in praise. I have worn beauty as two costly rings. Alas, how short a state does beauty keep! Then let me clasp it wildly to my heart, and hurt myself until I am apart. Of all its rapture, then turned back to sleep, remembering through all the dusty years what sudden wonder brought me close to tears.
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13 13 - After Dusk 1:22
My soul is silent as a silver dell, Where voiceless winds speak only of farewell, And cloistered flowers dwell in secrecy. Shaken with woe I hide against my heart. Sweetness and loveliness and meadowed rain, and swallow beauty may has brought again. Dream still they lie alone, untouched apart. But when day undesired falls asleep, dreaming on hills where shaking stars look down, I roam cool-misted vales beyond the town, and cry my love of beauty till I weep. The glowing trees so faint that no one hears, drop vales of shadow down to hide my tears.
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14 14 - Year's Ending 1:20
Year's Ending Oh, I could weep my heart out, late and soon, For dear and lovely things I would forget. A blur of silver spills that burned at noon, A clump of daffodils in mignonette, April's remembered that come back no more. To haunt my gardens where the tulips bloom, and banished summer's flaming at my door. When haunted moonlight streamed into my room. At times the thought of so much loveliness drops from me strangely like the end of grief. Then suddenly I feel the winds caress. Or a wild tree lets fall a lyric leaf. The thought of you drifts from an ancient spring, and I near weep again, remembering.
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15 15 - Autumn Afternoon 1:17
Autumn Afternoon Old loveliness returned this afternoon, to break my heart and make me weep aloud. I had forgotten autumn came so soon, with a blur of golden leaf and jeweled cloud. Here, once wild, scarlet tulips used to blow, and daffodils wave lightly in the spring, and lovely spicewood bushes burn and glow, and April trees spill April blossoming. Now the last birds go winging down the air, and children's laughter and a scrap of song blown from a shivering pipe. Nothing lasts long. Not even April, that was once so fair. Oh, how it hurts to see the wild trees thinned, and spring's dear beauty falling in the wind.
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16 16 - Evanescence 1:16
Eminescence Slowly I pass among the blowing flowers, Catching my breath at their beauty as I go. Familiar sweetness drifts across the hours, Keen, lovely sweetness, intimate as well. Yet by tomorrow, all the roses blown, will be a sea of crimson on the grass, and the naked trees will shudder at the moan of glowing winds that wake them as they pass. In such wise love will vanish as the night. Each word of joy that you have sung to me, the years will silence with their dark delight. And the wild soaring after ecstasy will be a lyric bird that dares the sky only to fall to earth when storms beat by.
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17 17 - Pity 1:09
Pity O, do not pity me, because I gave my heart, when lovely April, with a gust, swept down the singing lanes like a cool wave. And do not pity me, because I thrust aside your love, that once burned as a flame. I was as thirsty as a windy flower that bears its bosom to the summer shower and to the unremembered winds that came. Pity me most for moments yet to be, in the far years, when some day I shall turn toward this strong path up to our little door and find it barred to all my ecstasy. No sound of your warm voice the winds have borne. Only the crying sea upon the shore.
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18 18 - Earth Memory 1:16
Earth Memory.
The Earth remembers many an April blown to lyric beauty on a lovely hill, and many a golden hour she has known comes back to haunt her with old wonder still. The Earth remembers things she knew of yore, Summers that olden lovers have forgot, the way of silver rain upon a shore, and little towns as fair as Camelot. The earth has moon-kissed beauty and despair, while I weep long for love, a thing is frail. As blue spills blown high in a sudden gale, the space of weeping Is too great to bear. Blow by a whirl of petaled blossoming, so I forget to weep with wondering.
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19 19 - Sea Longing 1:20
You who are inland-born know not the pain of one who longs for gray dunes in the seas, and sound of ebbing tide and windy rain. And sea-mews crying down immensities. You, who are inland-born, know not the urge of wrapped tides beating passionate and wild, nor have you thrilled with wonder at the surge of drifting water, wayward as a child. Impetuous, I seek the eager sea, imperious for joy in wind-blown spray. You, who are city beaten every day, What do you know of mirth and ecstasy? No thirsty wind has journeyed from the south, and laid a cool wet finger on your mouth.
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20 20 - Exiled 1:19
Exiled.
I will remember to the very last the look of ships upon a quiet sea. Each windy sail, each spar and slender mast, must linger ever in my memory. I will remember hills. And harborways, and bright lagoons, though I long to forget, enchanted islands green as chrysoprase, and lonely nights of rose and violet. Men who have known such splendid things as these can never quite forget what they have learned. Their thoughts must always be of secret seas. Or of dimmed places where the moonlight burned, always the sound of wind moans in their ears, or rush of waters under ghostly piers.
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21 21 - Of Mariners 1:21
You who have known the changes of the sea, and marked the tides and watched each wistful star, you who have known old ships, each mast and spar, can only know what such things mean to me. You, who have known the quiet mystery of lovely islands in a glowing bay, know what it is that haunts me night and day, a ghost of things that will not let me be, for they who know such things must always dream of wind and tide and barks that they have known, old schooners lying where the town lights gleam. A tall ship sailing by at dawn alone. They who have felt the wind upon their lips. Their speech must always be of sea or ships.
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22 22 - Old Ships 1:13
Old Ships. What memories hang round about the spars of splendid ships that come to port no more? What dreams of moonlit seas and lovely stars? What sound of waters on a wooden floor? Something remembered from an ancient day. Comes back to haunt them when the evening falls, the cry of gleaming birds from far away, the moan of winds around their whitened walls. Something survives to make them wistful still. Of silver harbors that they knew of yore, of midnight quiet by a secret hill, of shining lights upon a singing shore. Perchance a ghostly gull against the sky, or a white sail at twilight flashing by.
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23 23 - Little Song 0:48
Little Song Put a fence about my house. It matters not to me. If from the highest window I cannot watch the sea, Scent the rooms with flowers. You may leave them bare. If no salty sea wind wanders there, Leave tall candles burning. A house can be a grave, if it's far from water and a breaking wave.
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24 24 - The Sea Remembers 1:18
The Sea Remembers The Sea remembers things she knew of yore, Ships that have flowered on her lovely breast, And secret islands silvered by a shore, The cry of winds that mocked her with a jest. Remembered beauty comes to haunt her still, A ghostly sail blown by an evenfall, a singing bird above a starry hill. In haunted hours she remembers all. She cannot quite forget these wistful things, barges that were her lovers in old days, and golden argosies with lifted wings. And splendid schooners that sailed down her bays. Always she dreams of masts and wooden spars, or a tall ship that passed beneath the stars.
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25 25 - Rumours 1:18
Rumors.
There is a rumor when each ship returns, of ghostly harbors that it touched at dawn, of blue lagoons where lifted beauty burns, shorelines towards which its wooden spars have gone. There is a rumor. Of disastrous days and nights by quiet islands near a town, of wine-red hills beyond the waterways, where both the moon and lovely stars looked down. Now do they dream beneath the April sky of olden time and golden circumstance, of ancient summers ended like a dance, and mad adventures. Now a memory, a secret flower lying on their breast. The wind dropped down upon an old, old quest.
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26 26 - Let Me Lie 1:15
Let Me Lie Let me lie in an unremembered place, with sorrel red about me and currents swaying. Let the cool darkness fall upon my face. I only want to hear waves playing. I only ask this thing, sound of the sea, clean water shifting under a granite ledge, spindrift flying wildly by a tree, the sound of the wind among the sedge. Life must go on, tomorrow and tomorrow, night following night and day following day. Give me the one thing, life, that I desire, the sound of wheeling goals and waves at play.
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27 27 - You Came to Me 1:16
XXVII.
You Came to Me. You came to me with darkness as a lute, on which you played strange melodies to woo me. You came with cymbals and wild timberling, with golden harmonies. Did you pursue me? Upon a pipe of lovely shivering reeds, you strung your arabesques like filigrees. The notes were kisses blown to touch my lips, as warm as rain upon pomegranate trees. You came to me with darkness as a lute, a twirl of tears to woo me, and your eyes You brought me death and beauty. I was mute. Now I do hunger for you, O most wise.
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28 28 - The House of Dust 1:21
THE HOUSE OF DUST.
When this, our love, at last is buried low, beneath the flaming streets of a dark city, and other hearts forget to scoff in pity, our lovely dream, that burned as deep as woe, We shall arise again and gladly turn down these far dew-drenched vales we tread today, and wander where the rain-kissed boughs of May shed streaming perfume over starry fern. No one will see or guess that we are there, who spoke their last farewell above our dust, when our hushed voices ended all surprise. And bitter silence for a moment thrust. Dead waves across your beauty-burning fair. And petaled flowers over your sweet eyes.
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29 29 - The Nights Remember 0:51
The Knights Remember The Knights remember lovely things they knew, the words of lovers, tremulous and wise, and kisses blown, and laughter in the beauty of glowing eyes. The nights remember hours white with wonder, lipped with red stars and strangely luminous. Perchance, beloved, when the years have lengthened, they will remember us.
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30 30 - Unbound 0:55
Unbound. Shelter me from loving you, lest it grow too great to bear. Put a silence to my song, lest it sing you everywhere. Let me be a common hour, or a careless word. Pluck me. As you would a flower. Cage me as you would a bird. For I praise you everywhere. Shout your wonder down the street. Bind me so I may not dare. Leave you sweet.
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31 31 - Talisman 1:15
Talisman.
I shall remember you in years to be, as June's first rose, or as a golden bough. And all this beauty that we gather now, will be a song or a dear memory. I shall remember you as mists that blow. Across reluctant fields where no sounds are, and grief's dark night will wear a splendid star. Because of the enchanted things I know, the peace of all your preciousness will make each hour of pain an hour of loveliness. For some remembered call or faint caress will startle me and make my soul awake. So I forget that woe is terrible, remembering that love is beautiful.
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32 32 - Little Death 0:49
Little Death Your love died for me like rain in a hollow. Suddenly there was no cry for me to follow. All that was dear and sweet, last, last December, now is a little poem. You can't remember. Your love died for me, like mist on a bough. Well, since I must forget, I will, somehow.
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33 33 - Rosemary 0:43
Rosemary. For the thought of you, I'll wind up the clock, sweep the floor, and turn the lock. For the thought of you, I'll put on a gown, a ribbon or two, and go to town. For the thought of you, I'll talk to strange folk. And smile merrily, though my heart's broke.
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34 34 - Moonlight Magic 1:20
Moonlight is magic when a day is gone, for shivering silver hangs upon each flower. Here were old lovers wandered once forlorn. The trees are blown to beauty in an hour. Flowers and moonlight These shall ever dwell, a part of beauty on each secret hill, and whispered words that lovers dared not tell, will be the birth of many a daffodil. Nor shall there be an ending to it all, for always music shall drift down the air, and shining petals tremble by a wall. An olden loveliness pass unaware. We, who wear moonlight now like flower and grass, in later years will bring new things to pass.
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35 35 - Vision 0:45
Vision.
I put my dream away, my dream of you, a lonely little dream of star and dew. Now you can only see wild April skies when you look deep into my sober eyes. So sorrowfully sad their look shall be. Your heart will never guess what made them see.
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36 36 - Song of Young Love 1:14
Song of Young Love I made my love a palanquin from wood of Lebanon. The seats were all of purple, and ivory from the dawn. For she who was to ride it was fair to look upon. I made my love a palanquin inlaid with filigrees. The cushions were of river blue and color from the seas, and there were slaves to bear it, dark as pomegranate trees. I made my love a palanquin. The ceiling overhead was silver and wild olive. And ebony and red. I did not dream that it would be a place for young love dead.
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37 37 - Buried 0:57
Buried. Deeper far than dead men lie, have I buried thoughts of you, Underneath cool grasses and a night-green hue. Never shall the starlings wake. Things that lie so deep. Never shall the sunlight stir. Thoughts asleep. Deeper far than dead men lie. Shaded and withdrawn. I have buried thoughts of you from another dawn.
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38 38 - Glimpses 0:45
Glimpses. I saw a star flame in the sky. I heard a wild bird sing, and down were all the forest stirred, another answering. All suddenly I felt the gleam that made my faith revive. God, it takes such simple things to keep the soul alive.
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39 39 - Pastoral 0:52
Pastoral The air is thin and sweet, with sounds I do not hear. Somewhere beauty blows, as it does each year. Somewhere laughter calls, down a country lane, but I hear the shriek. Of a noisy train. Somewhere lovers wait. For maids, undoubtedly. Wait for a word, a kiss. That belonged to me.
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40 40 - Death Comes 0:37
Death Comes Death comes in a night, all that we cherish. Beauty and laughter soon perish. Death comes in a day, house yourself well. Colin, Beatrice, Isabel.
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41 41 - Old Things 0:51
Old Things Songs that I have loved come back to me. One cannot forget a bird or the crying sea. Words that I have loved give the heart no rest. Always they he like flowers. On the breast, faces I have loved, eyes that gave no sign. Did the soul behind them yearn as much as mine?
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42 42 - Music Tides 0:47
Music Tides. Tides of old music, what do you sing? Out in the darkness, like a bird? Listen, and I will tell to you the unspeakable word. Tides of old music, what do you cry? Out where the warm stars flame, bend low, and I will whisper you the unspeakable name.
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43 43 - Surety 0:51
Surety Do not weep for her who lies in the silences, for she knew both youth and age, and grew tired of these. Do not weep, for she was glad to share the quiet earth, who grew weary of such things. As joy and mirth. Weep only for yourself, who passed unsatisfied. You have much to learn from her, who so gladly died.
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44 44 - Miser 0:51
Miser.
I have seen many things, too beautiful for words, twilights, tremulous with mist, birds. I have heard music that was, to me, soft as the clinging fingers of the sea. I have known many things. Now I am old. I am a miser, counting my gold.
End of chapter 44. End of White April by Harold Vinal.