menu_book Chapter 5

chapter v of bindle by herbert jenkins this librivox recording is in the public domain recording by don w jenkins chapter v bindle tries a change of work painting as its point bindle would remark that is providin it ain't outdoor painting when you're either on top of a ladder which may be swept from under yer and bang yer goes to kingdom come or else yer angin like a bolly worm on an hook in the spring when moving was slack bindle invariably found a job as a painter it was shortly after his encounter with professor conti that he heard hands were wanted at the splendid hotel where a permanent staff of painters and decorators was kept it was the pride of the management to keep the hotel spotless and as it was always full to give a wing bodily over to the painters and decorators would mean a considerable loss of revenue consequently all the work of renovation was done during the night the insides of the bedrooms were completely redecorated within the space of twenty-four hours all corridors and common rooms were done between midnight and the hot water hour special quick drying materials being used

but most important of all was the silence of the workers the bloomin miracles bindle called the little army that transformed the place in the course of a few hours when first told of the system he had been incredulous and on applying for a job to the foreman in charge he remarked i've eard tell of dumb dogs maybe it's true and dumb waiters but dumb painters i won't believe it it ain't natural the foreman had eyed him deliberately then in a contemptuous tone remarked if you get this job you've got to go without winkin or breathin in case you make a noise if you want to cough you've got to choke if you want to sneeze you've got to bust instead you'll get to like it in time sounds pleasant remarked bindle dryly still i'll join he added with decision though it's like bein a night watchman in a museum the hours were awkward and the restrictions severe but the pay was good and bindle had in his mind's eye the irate form of mrs bindle with her inevitable interrogation got a job you starts at eleven p m proceeded the foreman and you leaves off at eight next mornin if you're lucky if you ain't you gets the sack and leaves all the same

at first bindle found the work inexpressibly dreary to be within a few yards of a fellow-creature and debarred from speaking to him was an entirely new experience time after time he was on the point of venturing some comment checking himself only with obvious effort he soon discovered however that if he were to make no noise he must devote his entire attention to his work mustn't drop a bloomin brush or fall over a bloomin paint pot he grumbled but what yer gets the sack rummy ole this once his brush slipped from his hand but by a masterly contortion he recovered it before it reached the ground the foreman who had happened to be passing at the time eyed him steadily for several seconds then with withering scorn remarked in a hoarse whisper as he turned on his heel paintin's your job slippery not jugglin not to be able to retort and wither an opponent was to bindle a new experience but to remain silent in the face of an insult from a foreman was an intolerable humiliation to bindle foreman were the epitome of evil he had once in a moment of supreme contempt remarked to his brother-in-law

call yourself a man only moses i've seen better things than you in bloomin foreman's jobs mr hearty had not appreciated the withering contempt that underlay this remark being too much aghast at its profanity bindle had said to his wife you and orty is always so busy lookin for sin and you ain't time to see a joke bindle quickly tired of the work and after a few days allowed it to transpire as if quite casually that he was a man of many crafts he gave his mates to understand for instance that he was a carpenter of such transcendental ability as to be entirely wasted as a painter he threw out the hint in the hope that it might reach the ears of the foreman and result in an occasional change of work he was inexpressibly weary of this silent painting the world had changed for him sleep in all the sunny day he grumbled and dabbing on paint all the bloomin night not allowed to blow yer nose and me not knowin the deaf and dumb alphabet he would probably have been more content had it not been for the foreman he had known many foremen in his time but this man carried offensiveness to the point of inspiration he had been at his present work for many years and was consequently well versed in the arts of conveying insult other than by word of mouth

he was possessed of many gestures so expressive in their power of humiliating contempt that upon bindle their effect was the same as if he had been struck in the face one of these bindle gathered he had learned from a sailor who had assured him that in brazil the inevitable response was the knife ever after bindle had a great respect for the brazilian and the laws of a country that permitted the arbitrary punishment of a silent insult henceforward the foreman became the centre of bindle's thoughts too genial and happy-go-lucky by nature himself to nourish any enmity against his superior bindle was determined to teach him a lesson should the chance occur the man was a bully and bindle disliked bullies at last his chance came much to bindle's satisfaction as a result of his own foresight in allowing it to become known that he possessed some ability as a carpenter the third floor corridor known as number one east was to be redecorated in painting the doors all the numbers which were separate figures of gun-metal had to be removed before the painting was commenced and replaced after it was completed this required great care not only that the guests might not be awakened but that the partially dried paint might not be smeared

the foreman always performed this delicate operation himself regarding it is of too great importance to entrust to a subordinate on this particular occasion however the foreman had received an invitation to a bean feast at epping this was for the saturday and the corridor was to be redecorated on the friday night as an early start was to be made the foreman was anxious to get away and obtain some sleep that he might enjoy the day to its full extent he had done all he could to postpone the work until the next week but without success so it became necessary for him either to find a substitute or go weary-eyed and sleepless to his pleasure for a man of the social temperament of the foreman to decline such an invitation was unthinkable just as he had arrived at the conclusion that he would have to go straight from work his eye lighted on bindle and remembering what he had heard about his varied abilities he beckoned him to follow to a room that temporarily served as an office of works inside the room bindle gazed expectantly at his superior

i hear you've been a carpenter the foreman began funny ow rumors do get about remarked bindle pleasantly i remember when my brother-in-law arty's his name ever met him quaint old bird arty well when e never mind im returned the foreman can you andle a screw-driver andle anythink except a woman married yourself bindle interrogated with significance ignoring the question the foreman continued can you take the numbers off them rosy doors in the east corridor and put em back again to-night without making a stuttering row me queried bindle in surprise i got to go to a funeral continued the foreman avoiding bindle's eye and i want to get a bit of sleep first bindle eyed his superior curiously funny things fun'rals he remarked casually goin to ave a cornet on the urse a what the last time i went to a funeral the guv'nor saw me on the box next to old arper and all the boys a shoutin something about ope and glory the ole governor didn't ought to have been out so early ole arper could play he'd wake a ole village while another man was thinking about it he added reminiscently

it's my mother what's dead said the foreman dully unequal to the task of stemming the tide of bindle's loquacity and at the same time keeping on good terms with him your mother i'm sorry buryin his mother twice got ole jim into an orrible mess he fixed her funeral for february all serene but what must he go and do the silly uggins but forget all about it and start a buryin er again in june is guv'nor used to keep a book o buryins and it took jim quite a long time to explain that is buryin of er twice all came about through im bein a twin the foreman's impatience was visibly growing never you mind about jim only otherwise can you take off and put on again them numbers then after a pause he added casually nodding in the direction of a cupboard in the corner there's a couple of bottles of beer and some bread and cheese and pickles in that cupboard bindle's face brightened and thus it was that the bargain was struck when bindle left the room it was with the knowledge that his superior had been delivered into his hands he did not then know exactly how he intended to compass the foreman's downfall

inspiration would come later it was sufficient for him to know that correction was to be administered where correction was due in bindler was a strong sense of justice and his sympathies were all with his mates who suffered the foreman's insults rather than lose good jobs bindle was always popular with his fellow-workers they liked and respected him he was free with his money always ready with a joke or a helping hand was sober and clean of speech without appearing to notice any defect in others save on very rare occasions he had been known to fight and beat a bigger man than himself to save a woman from a thrashing and when mrs bindle had poured down reproaches upon his head on account of his battered appearance he had silently gone to bed and simulated sleep although every inch of his body ached it was about nine o'clock in the evening that the foreman had seen in bindle the means of his obtaining some sleep and arriving at his bean feast refreshed at eleven o'clock he left the hotel after having given to his deputy the most elaborate instructions his parting words filled bindle with unholy joy if anything goes wrong i'll lose my job and don't you forget it bindle promised himself that he would not i'll not forget it old son he murmured with the light of joy in his eyes i'll not forget it it's your beano to-morrow but it's goin to be mine to-night

last week you're sacked poor old teddy snell and im wi seven kids and bindle smiled as st george might have smiled on seeing the dragon for some time after the foreman's departure bindle cogitated as to how to take full advantage of the situation which had thus providentially presented itself plan after plan was put aside as unworthy of the occasion there are great possibilities for little jokes in hotels bindle remembered an early effort of his when a page-boy the employment had been short-lived for on his first day the corridors were being re-carpeted the sight of a large box of exceedingly long carpet-nails left by the workmen at night had given him an idea he had crept from his room and carefully lifted the carpet for the whole length of the corridor inserting beneath it scores of carpet-nails points upwards later he had sounded the fire alarm and watched with glee the visitors rush from their rooms only to dance about in anguish on the points of the nails uttering imprecations and blasphemies this effort had cost him his job and a thrashing from his father but it had been worth it it was however merely the crude attempt of a child it was one of the chambermaids a rosy-cheeked girl recently up from the country who gave bindle the idea he had been seeking

as he was unscrewing the numbers with all the elaborate caution of a burglar he felt a hand upon his shoulder and found the chambermaid beside him mind you put them numbers back right she whispered or i shan't know t'other from which bindle turned and eyed her gravely my dear he remonstrated i'm a married man and if mrs bindle was to see you with your arm round me neck what the pretty chambermaid had soundly boxed his ears a girl would have to have tired arms to rest around your neck she whispered and tripped off down the corridor for some minutes bindle worked mechanically his mind was busy with the chambermaid's remark at the end of half an hour all the numbers were removed and the painters busy on the doors bindle returned to the office of works all the angels he muttered joyously as he attacked the bread and cheese and pickles and poured out a glass of beer all the angels if i was to forget and get them numbers mixed and them bunnies wasn't able to get back to their he put down his glass choking when he had recovered his breath he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand finished his meal and returned to the corridor it was the rule of the hotel that no workman should be seen about after seven-thirty

just before that hour bindle had completed his work of replacing the numbers on the doors and had removed from the corridor the last traces of work that had been in progress he returned to the office of works which commanded a view of the whole length of the east corridor he was careful to leave the door ajar so that he had an uninterrupted view he sat down and proceeded to enjoy the morning paper which the boots had brought him the second bottle of the foreman's beer and the remains of the bread and cheese shouldn't be surprised if things was to appen soon he murmured as he rose and carefully folded the newspaper chapter five read by don w jenkins rancho san diego california shaggybark blogspot dot com