Chapter 11
Section 11 of Captain Billy's Whiz-Bang, Volume 2, Number 19, April 1921. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Read by Tom Merritt. Captain Billy's Whiz-Bang, Volume 2, Number 19, April 1921 by W. H. Fawcett. How to Make Love
The whiz-bang has received a call for help from an anxious swain, who, being too bashful to write his own love-croom, sends us a dime and asks us to write his speech to the girl. Ordinarily, we do not perform such high-class service for a dime But to assist America in returning to normalcy We have decided to fix it up without war tax And at reduced prices
Therefore, Mr. Fallen Love We are offering for your approval Captain Billy's How to Make Love Dearest, most darling of girls rosebud of my heart and cream of mine eyes. My little dream girl, how I would love to hold you
in my arms tonight and press my lips against those ruby cupid bows of yours. I long for you every hour of the day, and at night I yearn for you. I feel as though your spirit is always with me, and I lean on it for support in all my undertakings. Your smiling face is an inspiration to me at all times, and your voice is like the chimes of Normandy in my ears.
Your smiles are like the sunshine in Flanders Field and Spring. Dearest love, I cannot live without you. Life would be as barren as the desolate hills of the Arctic Dreary were the days until I met you Sunshine of my life and rose of Nippon
I adore you I fall at your shrine and worship you There is not a thing I would not go through to reach you Every time I think of your smiling face The gates of paradise are lost in oblivion
There is not one Oh, rose of the moon, that could take your place in my heart. The days of the caveman are over. If they were not, it would simply be a revival of the survival of the fittest, and I would be compelled to steal you away.
As it is, we will have to use diplomacy. Sweetheart, will you loan me a dollar? Oh, everybody has his toddy. Nain, they say hey I Yet, all the same, I can't complain
Since Tom came home with rye End of section 11
