Chapter 14
chapter fourteen of consequences by e m delafield this librivox recording is in the public domain barbara alex became more and more unhappy it was evident that lady isabel felt hardly any pleasure now in taking her daughter about with her and the consciousness of not being approved rendered alex more self-conscious and less sure of herself than ever it was inevitable that one or two of her mother's more intimate friends should know of her affair with noel cardew and it did not need lady isabel's occasional sorrowful comments to persuade alex that they took the same view of her conduct as did her parents the sense of being despised overwhelmed her and she fretted secretly and lost some of her color and held herself worse than ever from the lassitude that overwhelmed her physically whenever she was bored or unhappy towards easter lady isabel sent for barbara to come home from alex revived a little at the idea of having barbara at clevedon square again she thought it would impress her younger still schoolgirl sister to see her as a fully emancipated grown-up person
and she could not help hoping that barbara promoted to being a confidante would thrill at the first-hand story of a real love affair and a broken engagement alex was prepared to attribute to noel a romantic despair that had not been his at her ruthless dismissal of him in order to overawe little seventeen-year-old barbara but behold barbara after those months spent in the household of the marquise de metrancourt de la haute feuille no need to tell her to keep her shoulders back she was not quite so tall as alex but her slim figure was exquisitely upright encased in french stays that made even lady isabel gasp she wore with an air astonishing french clothes that swung gracefully round her as she moved and her hair which had developed a surprising ripple was gathered up at the back of her head with a huge outstanding bow of smartly tied ribbon that seemed to form a background for the pale pointed little face that was still barbara's but had somehow acquired an elusive charm that actually seemed more distinguished than ordinary healthy english prettiness and the self-assurance of the child alex was disgusted at the ease with which barbara hitherto shy and tongue-tied in the presence of her parents chattered lightly to them on the evening of her return and offered actually offered unasked to sing them some of her new songs
new songs indeed when it was only a year ago that she had written to ask whether she might have a few singing lessons with the marquise's daughter but neither sir francis nor lady isabel rebuked her temerity and they even exchanged amused approving glances when the slim upright figure moved lightly across the room to the big grand piano alex in her pink evening dress with her elaborately coiled hair felt infinitely childish and awkward as she watched barbara slip off a new gold bangle from her little white rounded wrist and strike a couple of chords with perfect self-assurance she was going to play without music it was absurd barbara had never been musical certainly the voice in which she sang a couple of little french ballade was a very tiny one but there was a tunefulness above all a vivacity about her whole performance which caused even sir francis to break into unwonted applause at the finish alex applauded too principally from the desire to prove to herself that it would be impossible for her ever to feel jealous of little barbara when they had sent her to bed lady isabel laughed with more animation than she often displayed how the child has developed charming charming said sir francis we must show her something of the world i think even if she is rather young but it soon became evident to alex at least that barbara had not been without glimpses of the world even at
She listened with interest, but very coolly, to Alex's attempted confidences, and finally said, Well, I can't imagine how you could have borne to give up the diamond ring, and it would have been fun to get married and have a trousseau in a house of your own, but I don't think Noel would make much of a husband. The calm disparagement in her tone annoyed Alex.
It seemed to rob her solitary conquest of any lingering trace of glory. I don't think you know very much about it, she said rather scathingly. "'You haven't met any men at all, naturally, so how can you judge?' Barbara laughed. Something of security that would not even take the trouble to dispute the point
pierced through that cool, self-confident little laugh of hers. Later on she told Alex, with rather overdone matter-of-factness, that a young Frenchman, a cousin of Hélène de la Haute-Feuille, had fallen very much in love with her at Neuilly. Alex at first pretended not to believe her,
although she felt an uncomfortable inward certainty that barbara would never waste words on an idle boast that could not be substantiated you need not believe me if you don't want to said barbara indifferently but how could you know i thought the marquise was so particular so she was they all are in france with the jeune fille it's ridiculous but of course as hlène was his cousin they weren't quite so strict and he used to give her notes and things for me Barbara! You needn't be so shocked, Alex. Of course I never wrote to him. That would have been too stupid. But he's very nice and simply madly in love with me. Hélène said he always admired le type anglais, and that I was his ideal. Alex was thoroughly angered at the complacency in Barbara's voice. You and Hélène are two silly, vulgar little schoolgirls.
I didn't think you could be so... so common, Barbara. What on earth would father and mother say? I dare say they wouldn't mind so very much, said Barbara calmly, so long as they didn't know about the notes and our having met once or twice in the garden. I don't believe it, exclaimed Alex.
You think it sounds grown up, and so you're exaggerating the whole thing. Barbara looked at her sister with her eyebrows cocked in a provoking, conceited sort of way, not angrily, but rather contemptuously. Really, Alex, to hear you make such a fuss about it, anyone would think that you'd never set eyes on a man.
Of course that sort of thing happens as soon as one begins to get grown up. It's part of the fun. You know Mother would say it was vulgar. It was almost a relief to see one of Barbara's rare blushes at the word. I don't see why it should be more vulgar than you and Noel.
How can you be so ridiculous? Of course that was different. We were both grown up and properly engaged in everything. Alex, said Barbara suddenly, when you were engaged, did he ever kiss you? Alex turned nearly as scarlet as her sister had been a moment before. Shut up, she said savagely. A thought struck her. You don't mean to say you ever let that beastly French boy try to do anything like that, she demanded.
"'No, no,' said Barbara hastily. "'Of course not. "'But he's not such a boy as all that, you know. "'He has a moustache, and he's doing his service militaire now. "'Otherwise,' said Barbara calmly,
"'I dare say he would have followed me to England.' "'You conceited little idiot, he must have been laughing at you.' Barbara shrugged her shoulders, with a gesture that had certainly not been acquired in Clevedon Square. "'You'll see for yourself presently,' she remarked.
"'He's going to get his permission next month, and he's coming to London.' you don't suppose you'll be able to go sneaking about writing notes and meeting him in corners here do you cried alex horrified barbara looked at her disdainfully and gave deft little pulls and pats to the bow on her hair so that it stood out more than ever what on earth do you take me for alex of course i know as well as you do that that sort of thing can't be done in london it will all be perfectly proper said barbara superbly i have given him permission to call here alex remained speechless she was quite unable to share in the tolerant amusement with which her parents apparently viewed the astonishing emancipation of barbara although it was true that barbara still retained a sufficient sense of decorum to describe m achy de villefranche to them merely as a cousin of hlne's who would like to come and call when he's in london lady isabel acceded to the proposed visit with gracious amusement and alex wondered jealously why her own attempts to prove grown-up and like other girls never seemed to succeed as did barbara's preposterous demurely spoken pretensions
until she remembered with a pang that after all she had never had to ask whether admiring strangers might call upon her she knew instinctively that however much lady isabel might exact in the way of elaborate chaperonage she would secretly have welcomed any such proof of her daughter's attractions for members of the opposite sex one day barbara more boastful or less secretive than usual showed alex one of achille's notes written to her on the day that she had left ney alex deciphered the pointed writing with some difficulty and then turned first hot and then cold as she remembered the few letters she had ever received from noel cardew written during the period of their lawful sanctioned engagement when she had so fiercely told herself that of course a man was never romantic on paper and that his very reticence only proved the depth of his feeling and all that time barbara utterly cold and merely superciliously amused had been the recipient of this latin hyperbole these impassioned poetical flights ma petite rose blanche anglaise ma douce sainte good heavens he had never seen barbara in one of her cold furies when she would sulk in perfect silence for three days on end and finally with humble pleadings that he might be forgiven for such a dbordement as she apostrophized her as ma mignonne
alex could hardly believe that it was really barbara who had inspired these romantic ebullitions how did you answer him she asked breathlessly i didn't answer at all barbara coolly replied you don't suppose i was so silly as that do you why girls get into the most awful difficulties by writing letters and signing their names and then the man won't let them have the letters back afterwards as she has never had one single scrap of writing from me alex felt as much rebuked as angered by this display of worldly wisdom she knew and was sure that barbara pluming herself over her own shrewdness knew also that had she herself been able to provoke similar protestations no considerations of prudence or discretion would have restrained the ardour of her response during the easter holidays barbara remained in the schoolroom sometimes playing with archie and pamela but generally engaged on one of the many forms of embroidery which she appeared to have learned at neuilly or diligently practising her french songs at the schoolroom piano she did not appear to be at all envious of alex's grown-up privileges for which alex felt rather wonderingly grateful to her until one day when she was out driving with lady isabel when a sudden enlightenment fell upon her
what do you think of this ambition of little barbara's her mother asked her with a trace of hesitation what asked alex stupidly why this frantic wish of hers to be presented next may and allowed to make her debut she will be seventeen after all and she seems to have her heart set on it barbara she wants to be presented and come out in may why it's nearly april now mother that would mean in another six weeks alex was stupefied hasn't she said anything to you said lady isabel with a sort of vague unperceiving wonder funny little thing i thought she would have been sure to have talked it all over with you she has been begging and imploring us ever since she got back from nai and your father is half implying to say she may how like barbara begging and imploring them to let her be presented next may and all the time saying nothing at all to alex and slyly pretending to care nothing for coming out and listening with deceptive quiet to alex's little occasional speeches made to mark the difference between twenty and seventeen no doubt barbara knew very well that she would get her own way by dint of ardent pleading and did not want the effect of her arguments and reasonable-sounding representations to be spoilt by alex's vigorous protest for of course alex was indignant
why should barbara come out when she was barely seventeen when her sister had had to wait until the orthodox eighteen alex might not value her privileges highly but she was far from wishing barbara to share in the depths of her soul was a lurking consciousness that neither did she want sharp-eyed critical barbara to see how poor and dull a figure her sister cut after the imaginary triumphs of which she had so often boasted lady isabel might be disappointed but she never voiced her disappointment or hinted at it and alex thought she tried to conceal it from herself but barbara would not be disappointed she might be rather pleased and make the small veiled spiteful comments by which she occasionally and always unexpectedly paid one back for past slights or unkindnesses alex felt that she could not bear any further mortifications the question of barbara's coming out was still undecided principally owing to alex's strenuous efforts to persuade her mother not to allow it when m archie de villefranche made the ceremonious visit to clevedon square which barbara had announced
he came on a sunday so soon after three o'clock that lady isabel's luncheon guests had barely departed and sat on the extreme edge of his chair a slim beautifully rolled umbrella between his knees and his silk hat balanced on the top of it his tie was tied into an astonishing bow with outspread ends that irresistibly reminded alex of barbara's hair-ribbon he spoke excellent english very rapidly but occasionally lapsed into still more rapid french in which he poured forth his enthusiasm for cette chre which description of her native land was fortunately uncomprehended by lady isabel altogether achille was so like a frenchman on the stage that alex almost expected to see him fall upon his knees in the drawing-room when barbara demurely obeyed the summons sent up to the schoolroom by her mother and appeared in her prim dark-blue school-room frock he certainly sprang to his feet with a sort of bound but any further intentions were frustrated by his elegant umbrella which got between his feet and nearly tripped him up and sent his beautiful top hat rolling into the furthest corner of the drawing-room alex had to recognize that achille behaved with great presence of mind even taken at such a disadvantage he bowed over barbara's hand at the same time kicking his umbrella carelessly aside
he waved a contemptuous hand which made the behavior of his hat a thing of no account and he did not even trouble himself to retrieve it until barbara was seated when he strolled away to pick it up in a nonchalant manner talking all the time of other things but in spite of the high-handedness of achille alex felt that the whole affair was of the nature of a farce and was ashamed of herself for deriving unmistakable satisfaction from the conviction that no one could take barbara's conquest seriously even sir francis who found achille still discoursing in the drawing-room on his return from the club at seven o'clock indulged in a little mild chaffing of his younger daughter when m de villefranche amid many bows had finally taken his leave barbara responded with a sprightly amiability that she had never displayed in her pre-nay days and which alex angrily and uncomprehendingly perceived both pleased and amused sir francis but i'm not sure i approve of your taste in the selection of your admirers my dear he said humorously his right hand lightly swinging his glasses against his left i have never met any englishman you know father said barbara piteously opening her eyes very wide if mother would only let me come out this year and see a few people
alex was aghast at barbara's duplicity recognizing perfectly her manoeuvre of implying that only her mother's consent was still required for her dbut well well well said sir francis wearing the expression of an indulgent parent but surely young ladies are expected to wait until their eighteenth birthday oh but i should so like a long frock sighed barbara her head on one side an admirable rendering of the typical young lady known and admired of her father's generation sir francis laughed unmistakable yielding foreshadowed in his tone and in the glance he directed towards his wife gad isabel we shall have a regular little society butterfly on our hands what do you think lady isabel also smiling nevertheless said almost reluctantly as though to imply that a cent would be in defiance of her better judgment of course this year will be exceptionally gay because of the jubilee i should rather like her to come out when there's so much going on but i don't quite know about taking two of them everywhere she glanced at alex and sighed almost involuntarily it was impossible not to remember the tentative plans that they had discussed so short a while ago for a brilliant wedding that should take place just when all london was busy with festivals in honor of the queen's diamond jubilee
the same recollection shot like a pang through alex feeling the pain of her mother's disappointment far more acutely than her own humiliation and making her speak sharply and almost unaware of what she said sooner than endure a moment's silence you can take barbara instead of me i hate balls and i'm sick of going to things she was horrified at the sound of the words as she spoke them and at her own rough and mortified voice there was a moment's silence that said sir francis gently and gravely is neither a very gracious nor a very dutiful speech alex your mother has spared herself neither trouble nor fatigue in conducting you to those entertainments organized for your pleasure and advantage and it is a poor reward for her many sacrifices to be told with a scowling face that you are sick of going about if those are your sentiments i shall strongly advise her to consult her own convenience in the future instead of making everything give way to your pleasures as she has done for the last two years lady isabel looked distressed and said it is very difficult to know what you want alex if you'd only say i don't want anything i'm quite happy began alex overwhelmed with a sense of her own ingratitude
and by way of proving her words she began to cry hopelessly although she knew that sir francis could not bear tears and that anything in the nature of a scene made lady isabel feel ill control yourself said her father they all looked at her in silence and her nervousness made her give a loud sob if you are hysterical alex you had better go to bed alex was only too thankful to obey still sobbing she received the conventional good-night kiss which neither she nor her parents would have dreamed of omitting however deep their displeasure with her and left the room reproaching herself bitterly they had all been so cheerful before she spoiled it all sir francis in unwontedly good spirits and both of them pleased at the harmless amusement caused by barbara's visitor i spoil everything alex told herself passionately and longed for some retreat where she might be the solitary victim of her own temperament and need not bear the double pang of the vexation and grief which she inflicted upon others she did not go downstairs to dinner and soon after eight o'clock barbara came in and told her that there was supper in the school-room for both of them
though after this said barbara importantly i shall be having dinner properly in the dining-room quite soon they are going to let me put up my hair and i think they will let me be presented at a late drawing-room though they won't promise it was settled after you went upstairs are they vexed with me asked alex dejectedly not particularly only disappointed alex would rather have been told that they were angry she had not spirit enough left to snub barbara discoursing untiringly of all that she meant to do and to wear until at last her younger sister remarked patronizingly cheer up alex i believe you're afraid of my cutting you out but we shall be quite different styles you know i can't hope to be a beauty so i shall go in for being chic hlne always says it pays in the long run by the by achille thought you were very pretty how do you know he told me so nonsense how could he i was in the room the whole time oh there are ways and means retorted barbara tossing her head alex would not gratify her by asking further questions to her habitual fashion of ignoring slights until it became convenient to repay them however barbara added now an impervious armour of self-satisfaction at the prospect of her approaching entry into the world
she even three months later received with no other display of feeling than a rather contemptuous little laugh the elaborately worded lettres de faire part which announced the approaching marriage of hlne de metrancourt de la haute feuille to her cousin achille marie de villefranche chapter
